05/08/2014 09:45 am ET

If We Treated Other Life-Cycle Benchmarks The Way We Treated Getting Married And Having Kids

Archive Holdings Inc. via Getty Images

Jesus, everybody I know is teething this spring. When did just nubbling on things with your wet gums stop being enough, you know?”

“There it is, right on time, just like clockwork. Everyone’s developing spatial awareness at the same time, like a bunch of fascists.”

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