The rules of wedding etiquette are constantly changing, making it difficult for modern brides, grooms and guests to find up-to-date and correct information. That's why we launched #MannersMondays, a weekly series in which we ask our followers on Twitter and Facebook to submit their most burning etiquette-related questions. Then, with the help of our team of etiquette experts, we get you the right answers to your biggest Big Day dilemmas. Check out this week's question below!
“If we don't have a wedding website, where should we include info on gift registry without being tacky?” - @amandaelaine143
Anna Post -- great-great-granddaughter of etiquette guru Emily Post and author of Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette -- is here to help us answer this week's question. Find out what she had to say below:
There’s a funny catch about wedding gift etiquette: If you’re invited to a wedding, you’re expected to give a gift, regardless of whether or not you attend. But in order to keep the focus on your guests rather than the gifts, registry information should never be included with the wedding invitation. That goes for any enclosures, too. Some stores give out little “We are registered at this store” cards for you to oh-so-conveniently include with your invitations -- but don’t. Any mention of the registry on or with the invitation is like saying, “We hope you can come to the wedding. Now, about that gift we all know you’ll be sending…”
Good etiquette is also usually quite practical. I’m not a fan of fussy rules for their own sake, but this is one case where I think the extra effort is worth it. Without a wedding website, word of mouth is your best and only option that isn’t on the tacky side. Tell your close friends, family and your wedding party where you’re registered. This isn’t grasping for gifts -- it’s how registry information has always been shared. Say, “If any other guests ask you [which they very well might], we’re registered at _____.” It’s also entirely likely, and perfectly okay, that guests will ask you directly where you’re registered. Let them know, “We’re registered at XYZ store, but anything you choose would be wonderful. Thank you!” As a bride planning her wedding right now, I’ve gotten that question quite a bit lately, which means my fiancￃﾩ and I better hurry up and figure out our registry soon!
It is, however, okay to include registry information with bridal shower invitations. The point of the shower is that you are getting gifts; thus it’s okay, and convenience wins. The host can include the registry information with the shower invitation. This is the right place to put those little store-provided registry cards to use, or to include a slip of paper with the information. Some shower hosts don’t include registry information at all, and instead, only share it with those guests who RSVP “yes”. Though it’s not required, some shower guests who can’t attend might like to send a gift anyway, so I think it’s nice to include the information with the invite.
If you do choose to have a wedding website, adding the site to the enclosures sent with the invitation can be a nice bridge. Simply include the web address along with any maps or directions. When guests check the site, the registry information will be there. It’s a step removed, but I think it's a step worth taking.