05/18/2014 01:51 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Paris Hilton Has Officially Run Out Of Selfies

So, it happened. Paris Hitlon has officially run out of selfies. On May 18, she uploaded such a photo, captioned "But first....Let me take a #Selfie [Winkie Face Emoji]" -- inferring that it was the result of a spontaneous choice, acted out in real time. However, said #Selfie is 42 weeks old (or, at least, was first posted 42 weeks ago).


Might there be a glitch in the matrix? Perhaps in her nearly 2,000 photos, Paris has run out of selfie angles, light options and / or bondage lingerie. But the the most mystifying aspect of this is act of repetition is what's next? Do the uploads start all over again again, like a Möbius strip of selfies? And how many times has this cycle been restarted?


Before this incident is erased from our memories, we must recognize the possibility that we are all just brains in vats, doomed to repeat this recycled feed of Paris Hilton doing things for attention, in which all reality is merely an eternal echo of the year 2006.