By Real Mom for DivorcedMoms.com
At the end of my marriage, my sex life was pretty much the same thing over and over and over. We had our way of doing it and sadly, it just got into a comfortable routine. There was zero romance and for me, there wasn’t any desire left. To be honest, I had to make myself have sex with him just so he would leave me alone for a few days and quit asking for it.
Since my divorce was final about a year ago, I’ve had casual sex with three men, and let me sum it up with one word…HALLELUJAH!!!
Here are eight reasons sex after my divorce was better than the sex I had while married:
1. Variety:After having sex with only one man for 12 years, being with someone new was exhilarating and made me feel like a woman again! Each guy was completely different and brought a new and exciting bag of tricks into the bedroom, on the couch, or in the shower. Exploring different types of men and their sexuality really opens your eyes to not only what was missing from your marriage, but also what you desire sexually. Not bad for the self-esteem either, which brings me to number two on the list.
2. Self-esteem:Sex during my marriage did nothing for my self-esteem. Not because he didn’t say nice things, but because he said the same things repeatedly. I wanted to hear how sexy I was or how hot I made him, etc. But this didn’t happen and I wasn’t going to ask him to say those things. Sex as a newly divorced woman, however, pumped up my self-esteem like crazy! Knowing and feeling that someone else craved my body, for me, was an ultimate high. It took me from feeling like a frumpy, divorced mom of two to a rock ‘n roll sex goddess!
3. No strings attached:That’s right! No strings attached. You don’t have to get up and cook them breakfast. You don’t have to wash their dirty underwear the next afternoon. You don’t even have to say goodbye if you don’t want to. If you take a man home for the sole purpose of having sex with him, once you’ve achieved your goal, he can leave. It’s that simple.
4. Fewer inhibitions:This one was true for me, but might not be the case for all women. I wanted to try new things in the bedroom when I was married, I just didn’t know how to tell him. He was the type that would have assumed I was having an affair if I brought up any new sexual positions, so I just didn’t bring it up. But since my divorce, I have had no problem at all telling my partner(s) exactly what I wanted. It’s liberating to say what you want them to do and not have to worry about being questioned about it.
5. You feel like a teenager again:Remember when you were 16 and the rush you felt when you were making out with your high school sweetheart? Remember the feelings of butterflies whenever you spotted your crush? I am excited to report that those feelings come back! The first time I kissed a guy after my divorce, I have to admit that I was nervous. Ok…beyond nervous! We were sitting on the couch watching a movie, and I thought to myself, “This is stupid! You’re an adult…kiss him already!” So I looked over at this big, gorgeous, hunk of a man, leaned toward him, and kissed him. The courage it took me to kiss him was well worth the make-out session that followed.
6. Fantasy fulfillment:When you were married, did you ever have a sexual fantasy that didn’t get fulfilled? Was there something you wanted to try but never had the opportunity? Well, do I have news for you! There are tons of single men out there who would like nothing more than fulfilling your innermost sexual desires. We are sexual beings after all.
7. No more ruts:No more sex on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays only. No more sex on a schedule. No more boring missionary position every single time you have sex. No more waiting until the kids are asleep. No more! Whatever kind of ‘sex rut’ you had while married is now officially over. You can now have sex whenever you want, with whomever you want, and in whatever position you should so desire.
8. Sexual knowledge:Even though you were married and had sex with the same man for years, you are still more experienced than you were when you got married. You know what you are looking for in a sexual partner. You might prefer someone who isn’t afraid to take charge, tie you up, and ravage you all night long. Or maybe you would prefer to be the dominant one in the bedroom. Whatever your preferences are, make your experience work for you in finding the right sexual partner. Or at least, the right sexual partner for a night or two.
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