05/20/2014 08:45 am ET Updated May 28, 2014

Tuesday's Morning Email: Major Test For The Tea Party

Netflix as we know it is about to undergo quite the change. Batten down the hatches and change your password, as you’ll be holed up on the couch for a while. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Tuesday, May 20, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt TOP STORIES

“China on Tuesday warned the United States was jeopardizing military ties by charging five Chinese officers with cyberspying and tried to turn the tables on Washington by calling it ‘the biggest attacker of China's cyberspace.’” China’s president conventiently met with Vladimir Putin this morning. [AP]

“Thailand's army declared martial law before dawn Tuesday in a surprise announcement it said was aimed at keeping the country stable after six months of sometimes violent political unrest. The military, however, denied a coup d'etat was underway.” This is what martial law looks like in Thailand, and there’s a lot of selfies involved. [AP]

“Tuesday marks a big day for primary elections around the country, with races testing the tea party's strength, the power of the Clintons and whether a politically incorrect biker can make inroads in a gubernatorial contest.” Here are eight big things to look for today. [Story via HuffPost, Image via SB Nation]

STATESIDE: Nuclear Plants and Rising Tides
This photo of superheroes laying a five-year-old boy to rest is heartbreaking. People would rather vote for a philandering president than an atheist one according to a new Pew Research Poll. Be careful with the treats you’re feeding Sparky: the FDA has recalled toxic jerky treats that have killed over 1,000 dogs. Here’s what fired NYT’s executive editor Jill Abramson had to say at Wake Forest’s graduation. It might snow in California. The mom who assaulted her daughter’s alleged bully may have attacked the wrong kid. And rising seas and coastal nuclear plants don’t mix.

In true friendship news, this labrador can’t get enough of his beloved bucket.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Vaccination Cover Stories
Cyprus airport was evacuated after a bomb threat this morning. The CIA has promised to not use vaccination campaigns as a cover ever again. According to a shocking new report, Fukushima workers fled the plant instead of attempting to control the disaster. And activists have compiled a Syrian war death toll.

In too adorable for words news, here’s a bunny washing himself in his water bowl.

BUY! SELL! BUY! Heroin Here, There, Everywhere
Chipotle banned guns from its stores. The number one iPhone app teaches you some questionable skills. Not everyone wants to pay J.P. Morgan’s Chairman and CEO Jamie Dimon 74% more. The criminal charges against this big bank are pretty “toothless.” And a new business is dominating the streets of NYC: heroin.

In fluffy news, after watching this you’ll want a Himalayan kitten.

SCOUTING REPORT: Poor Cheerleaders
Bolivia’s President is now a pro soccer player. This Tampa Bay Bucs cheerleader claims she was paid $2 an hour. Yikes. An eleven-year-old qualified for the U.S. Women’s Open. What did you do today? Bill Simmons wonders whether LeBron has a three-peat in him. And wish it was college football season already? Don’t worry, ESPN’s got a preview of the top contenders for you. Roll tide.

In transportation news, we love this video almost as much as this dog loves roadtrips.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: Cuaron to Revisit Harry Potter?!?
Alfonso Cuaron might direct the Harry Potter prequel, fulfilling all our dreams. The first trailer for “Foxcatcher” suggests Steve Carrell will be garnering lots of award show buzz (THAT NOSE). Bob Greenblatt’s having a pretty good year after taking NBC back to the number one spot. And Joe Manganiello of “Magic Mike” made a documentry called “La Bare,” and the trailer about the “real Magic Mikes” is obviously NSFW.

In animal confusion news, you won’t believe what this goat sounds like.

LIVIN’: Just to See You Smile
There’s apparently no such thing as healthy sugar. We feel like every morning cereal has lied to us. You’ll never want to get in a hot tub again after reading this. Having plastic surgery to get the perfect engagement ring photo is apparently now a thing. Find out what birth control methods the experts use. Tossing and turning when you’re sharing a bed? Take a look at these ways you and your partner can both catch some ZZZs. And here are 25 easy tips to improve your relationships. Our favorite? Smile.

In scaredy cat news, this son is excellent at scaring his dad.

OTHER PEOPLE’S BUSINESS: Scandalous Vogue Cover
Johnny Weir’s back in the spotlight amidst more allegations of domestic violence. Lance Armstrong drew an unfortunate card while playing “Cards Against Humanity.” The Hamptons elite is mad the Kardashians will be summering with them. And Christiano Ronaldo is making waves off the soccer pitch after posing naked for Vogue with his supermodel girlfriend. Cue the looking to score jokes.

In teenage dog news, this one refuses to go anywhere.


@OzzyOsbourne: How am I supposed to know, hidden meanings that will never show. Fools and prophets from the past, Life's a stage and we're all in the cast

@TIME: See the devastating impact of D-Day in Normandy and its aftermath Photo: @GettyImages

@jessetyler: Yay #Oregon! Their ban on same sex marriage is "Oh, yay GONE"!....See what I did there? It sounds like "Oregon". See? See that?

@ralphmarston: Happiness does not come when you try to obtain it. Happiness is a quality that you can choose to add to any experience.

@HistoryInPics: Unharnessed workers atop the Woolworth Building in New York City, 1926

These ridiculous hotel amenities are the platonic ideal of treating yo'self.

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