05/30/2014 08:50 am ET

Friday's Morning Email: The Clippers Have A New Owner

Whether it's a night out for drinks or a night in with a microwaveable burrito and glass of Rex Goliath, this map of your neighborhood's bars and grocery stores will up your TGIF levels. This is THE MORNING EMAIL for Friday, May 30, 2014.

The Scuttlebutt TOP STORIES

“The sale of the Clippers continued on its bizarre journey late Thursday night when representatives of co-owner Shelly Sterling sent out a media release that the Sterling family trust has agreed to sell the team to former Microsoft Chief Executive Steve Ballmer for $2 billion.” Are the Clippers worth that much money? And here’s all you need to know about Steve Ballmer. [LA Times]

“More than 70 Americans are thought by intelligence and counterterrorism officials to have traveled to Syria to fight the government of President Bashar al-Assad. One of them, still publicly unidentified, carried out a suicide bombing there on Sunday, making him the first United States citizen believed to have been involved in such an attack.” The suicide bomber grew up in Florida. [NYT]

She writes, “I will not be a part of a political slugfest on the backs of dead Americans. It’s just plain wrong, and it’s unworthy of our great country. Those who insist on politicizing the tragedy will have to do so without me.” Here’s what the 34-page chapter will cover. [Politico]

STATESIDE: Bars vs. Grocery Stores
Check out this map to see if you live by more bars or grocery stores. Measles has reached a record high in the U.S. since it was first eradicated. Doctor shortages at the VA might be to blame for hospital delays. It’s always good when you’re on a skydeck on top of the Willis Tower and the floor starts cracking. The House told the DEA to leave legal medical marijuana operations alone. We’re looking at a “below average” hurricane season. This slideshow shows how you can make a Wisconsin dairy environmentally friendly. [Image via Concourse]

In cuddly news, this diver cozies up to sharks.

INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE: Oil Pipeline Devastation
These photos of Canada’s oil pipeline might make you think twice about Keystone XL. Two teenage girls were allegedly gang-raped and hanged in India. Take a look at the difference between North and South Korea through this photo series. The Wall Street Journal alleges that Chinese hacking is even more rampant than previously thought. Most Russian troops have withdrawn from the Ukrainian border. And here’s where the search for the kidnapped Nigerian girls went wrong.

In crazy tongue news, check out this pug who just wants to be Miley Cyrus.

BUY! SELL! BUY! Fly Me To The Moon
Elon Musk unveild SpaceX’s first spacecraft that can get astronauts into space and back. Here are five things you need to know about the growth of factory jobs in the U.S. GMO label legislation failed in California again. And you should read Thomas Piketty’s scathing response to the Financial Times’ allegations of skewed data.

In patriotic news, watch this cat observing Russia’s national anthem.

SCOUTING REPORT: ‘Group of Death’
Grantland breaks down what the U.S. is facing in the World Cup's “group of death.” Here’s why Peyton Manning has been carrying around a green football. You won’t believe how the Scripps National Spelling Bee ended. And Wonkblog empirically proved 50 Cent’s ceremonial first pitch was the

In it’s the little things news, you won’t believe why this mom is jumping up and down.

CULTURE CATCH-UP: Getting Tyrion Drunk
Vulture invented an old-school “Game of Thrones” computer game where you try to get Tyrion drunk -- and yes, we just spent an hour playing it. This “Sin City 2” movie poster was banned for being “too sexy.” Bryan Cranston fanned the “Breaking Bad” movie flames. It breaks our hearts to read the theory about the backstory of Andy’s Dad from “Toy Story.” Granted, we’re the saps who cried for pretty much the entire second half of “Toy Story 3,” so we’re a bit susceptible. And see if you can spot the typo on the frontpage of The New York Times.

In shady news, these shadows are tremendously creepy.

LIVIN’: Healthy Eating Choices
Here’s how to avoid not being able to button your jeans after eating out. Are you a cynic? You could be ruining your health along with everyone’s happiness. You need to know what “secondary drowning” is before you let your kids swim unsupervised. Check out why you don’t need to fix everyone’s problems. This is how you accessorize that little white dress. And make your Ikea pieces look like you paid a million bucks for ‘em.

In “Free Willy” news, check out this whale’s jump.

OTHER PEOPLE’S BUSINESS: Channing and Puppies
This is a short film of Channing Tatum playing with puppies that will undoubtedly cause the internet to explode. Brett Michaels had a medical emergency on stage. Get well soon! Uma Thurman and Quentin Tarantino are an item. Guess which Instagram photo took the lead for most liked? Hilary Duff’s haircut is beyond adorable. Kate Middleton looked like a champ at her first public event after the “bare bum” scandal.

In bookworm news, here are the world's best reading spots.


@hilariabaldwin: If tweeting about how damaging negativity and bullying are is "ranting" then I want to rant every day of my life

@miatramz: See how Robert Capa's iconic D-Day photos were almost lost forever @TIMEWorld @MagnumPhotos

@jimmykimmel: I'm glad we don't have to make our own scissors

@DonnieWahlberg: One week... BOAT!

@RJSzczerba: Just another Alpaca surfing in Peru

Guess who is statistically smarter, a cat or a dog person?

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