06/04/2014 12:04 pm ET Updated Jun 04, 2014

Here Are The Other NY Times Drug Columns We Want To See

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After reading about Maureen Dowd's world-ending bout with a marijuana-laced candy bar, we had several thoughts. Our first, of course, was "OMG what an insane column!" But then we wondered why all the other New York Times columnists didn't also write pieces about their drug use. Just picture it:

David Brooks wonders what this "molly" everyone's been talking about is like — and, of course, what it's doing to Our Society.

—After consuming the cocaine that he smuggled through a crumbling American airport, Tom Friedman subjects his cab driver in Bangalore to a deeply intense, 4-hour monologue about green capitalism.

Charles Blow decides to find out if heroin should be available through Obamacare. He quickly decides it shouldn't.

Gail Collins reveals that she came to see Mitt Romney's dog in an entirely new light after using peyote for the first time since 1972.

Paul Krugman explains how his 6-month flirtation with LSD in the early 90s changed how he saw the banking industry.

Frank Bruni's not sure if speed will hasten the process of gay rights, but he's willing to find out in a three-column series.

Get on it, Timesians!!!

UPDATE: The brilliant folks over at Fishbowl NY pointed out that we'd overlooked an op-ed bigwig:

The only journo notably missing from this HuffPo post is Nicholas Kristof. As in, after ingesting mushrooms, the globetrotting Pulitzer Prize winner decides he must add back two middle initials to his byline.