For some people, a simple pool float or Slip'N Slide just isn't going to cut it.
If you're looking to drop some serious cash on a summer toy that probably isn't worth the hype, check out these prime examples found online.
1
The Campfire Roasting Rods: $119.95 (For Set Of 4)
Some people spend precious minutes searching for the perfect stick with which to roast their marshmallows. Those people are known as "suckers." With these overpriced rods, your children will be eating s'mores before they even realize they're not having as much fun.
2
Electric Skates: $699.99
If you're looking for something to do this summer, how about this $700 concussion waiting to happen?
3
The Inflatable Outdoor Color Dot Game: $2,000
"Based on the popular game that originated in the 1960s," and no, we will NOT be saying its name, this ludicrously-priced mat is way more impressive than the version you can buy for around $20. Why? Because inflatable, that's why.
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4
Human Bowling Ball: $5,500
This may look like something a tyrannical overlord would force peasants to play for his amusement, but it's actually fun. Play by yourself, or invite a friend to watch you play because it only comes with one ball.
5
Barbecue Dining Boat: $50,000
Impress your friends who don't own yachts with this cozy, all-in-one, floating party boat! Or, put a down payment on a house! It's your life, man.
6
Inflatable Walk On Water Mat: $999.95
Here's yet another reminder that if you're rich, you can literally play God.
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7
Inflatable Water Park: $7,999.99
If merely standing on water isn't thrilling enough for you, there's always this floating water park that costs as much as a decent used car. You'll have just as much fun as the old guy at the top of the slide who clearly paid for it.
8
85-Foot Inflatable Military Obstacle Course: $12,500
Challenge your friends to a race through this inflatable course! Oh, and you might want to charge admission.
9
The Floating Rope Swing: $3,800
Who needs a tree with a sturdy branch when you can have this floating island of fun?
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10
Flying Hovercraft: $190,000
The bad news is that little Johnny dropped out of college. The good news? None of his tuition payments are going to waste!
11
Killer Whale Submarine: $100,000
Explore like never before in this two-person watercraft that "breaches and submerges just like the Orcinus orca after which it is designed." In other words: "midlife crisis."
12
Classic Snow Cone Cart: $4,000
This thing produces "up to 500 lbs. of finely granulated ice per hour." We'll just let that sink in.
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13
Motorized Monocycle: $13,000
Don't attempt to picture what a human looks like while riding this thing, or you'll never find a way to spend that 13 grand currently burning a hole in your pocket. Just take our word for it: you will look really, really cool.
14
The Skier-Controlled Tow Boat: $17,000
Don't let those naysayers tell you that you need to have friends to go water-skiing. How could attaching yourself to an unmanned, speeding projectile ever backfire?
15
And Finally, The Personal Submarine: $2,000,000
Okay, we know what you're thinking. Two million dollars is a little steep. But just think about all the "Life Aquatic" jokes you can make when you're tooling around underwater, alone, in this motorized contraption you bought off the Internet? Now that's priceless.
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CORRECTION: This article previously misidentified the material of the Campfire Roasting Rods as plastic; they are steel.