07/23/2014 09:29 am ET Updated Jul 23, 2014

I'm Afraid My Depression Drives People Away

Cultura RM/Steve Prezant via Getty Images

When you have been one version of yourself for a really long time, it is hard to recognize it when you change. I still think of myself as too shy to carry on a conversation with a new person, even though most people don't think I hate them when we meet anymore. I have spent recent times lamenting the decline in my geek cred while failing to notice that I'm planning Dungeons and Dragons campaigns while talking over the superhero comics my friends are writing.

And so it is with my mental health. I spent my late teens and early twenties in a near-constant state of crisis, so I sometimes feel like I'm constantly on the brink of a relapse(/collapse), seemingly without realizing that the years of treatment I’ve been through were designed to prevent exactly that.

Read more on xoJane