07/30/2014 05:10 pm ET Updated Jul 30, 2014

All Joan Rivers Really Wants In Life Is For Famous People To Sit On Her Lap


Joan Rivers is just misunderstood, you guys.

People say that Rivers takes her jokes way too far, and that she simply stirs up controversy and hurls insults to stay relevant. But her Instagram account holds the key to the secret wish in her heart. Deep down inside, Rivers really only wants to be the Santa Claus of Hollywood.

Skeptical? Just take a look at some of the people she's made sit on her lap -- trust me, there are more -- within the last year:

Jordin Sparks

Keke Palmer

Laverne Cox

Austin Mahone

Rumer Willis

Candice Accola

Lauren Conrad

Leona Lewis

Olivia Newton-John

Lil Jon

Victor Cruz


Terry Crews

Behati Prinsloo

Molly Sims

Desean Jackson

Melissa Joan Hart


What 81-year-old woman lets not one, but two NFL players post up on her lap for no apparent reason?

A woman who wants to be Santa Claus, that's who.