09/15/2014 05:07 pm ET Updated Sep 15, 2014

The 5 Most Pointless Abilities People Love To Brag About


In Holland there is a man who can regulate his body temperature just by thinking about it; in England there's a guy who can solve any mathematical equation in his head, as well as learn new languages in a week; and from my normal standing position, I can jump really, really high. The point is, there are legitimate superpowers in the world, and a few of us are lucky enough to enjoy them for no reason other than genetic providence. Are we the future of humanity? Are we destined for something greater than the rest of you? No one knows for sure. But probably yes.

And yet, for every person with an extraordinary gift, there are whole knots of normal people mistaking their asinine quirks for inherent abilities. They celebrate their meaningless talents loudly, and often, trying to convince anyone who will listen that they are super.