The iPhone 6 was still wreaking havoc all over the Internet this week. Sarah Colonna decided to be a contrarian, letting every iPhone 6 lover know what's up: "I'm gonna sit here on my perfectly acceptable iPhone 5 calling people who are waiting in a line for the iPhone 6 to tell them they're dumb." You do you, girl.
While news may have been slow this past week, the women of twitter did come up with maybe the best life hack to date. "Secret to an incredibly hot body: Jump into a volcano," Erin Gloria Ryan tweeted.
And our favorite tweet from this week brought the LOLs and the #TBT: "People tell me Bruce eating the cake in Matilda was one of the most stressful moments EVER. I'm like, 'I'm glad you had a happy childhood,'" Mara Wilson tweeted.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
"All the cool girls have colds."
How I comfort myself.
— Laura Brown (@laurabrown99) September 19, 2014
When I die, bury me inside a grocery store **2Chinz**
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) September 16, 2014
PUBLIC SPEAKING TIP: imagine the unspeakable things each audience member has used to floss their teeth in moments of desperation
— Emma Koenig (@emjuko) September 15, 2014
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body.
— Your Mom (@HorribleDancer) September 17, 2014
Without background music, it's really hard to know which emotions I'm supposed to be faking.
— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) September 16, 2014
You'll never know real heartache until you experience your favorite pair of heels breaking
— Tammy (@OkieGirl405) September 17, 2014
Sweetie, you can either wear grannie panties or Yoga pants. But not both. Please pick one
— L O R I (@LoriLuvsShoes) September 15, 2014
~ the silliest of all electronic keyboards, maybe
— Just RaRa (@Moi_RaRa) September 16, 2014
My doctor just told me I should drink more gin. At least I think he was a doctor.
— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) September 16, 2014
Like a moth* to a flame.**
**pumpkin spice latte
— Spin Spin Sugah (@BlondAmbitionTO) September 15, 2014
All it takes is faith and trust... OH! And something I forgot: deodorant
— Shalyah Evans (@ShalyahEvans) September 17, 2014
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?
Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.
— Bianca LaVagina (@AnitaHelmet) September 17, 2014
The Honorable Woman is filled with fantastic performances and writing, but the thing I think about most is everyone's perfect eyebrows
— Ruthie Baron (@ruthiebaron) September 17, 2014
Maybe extra sensitive toothpaste is just on its period.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 18, 2014
I'm gonna sit here on my perfectly acceptable iphone 5 calling people who are waiting in a line for the iphone 6 to tell them they're dumb.
— Sarah Colonna (@sarahcolonna) September 19, 2014
Whenever I see a young hot dad in a cardigan pushing a stroller, I kind of just want to nuzzle into his neck until he calls the police.
— NYC BLONDE (@NYC_Blonde) September 19, 2014
Secret to an incredibly hot body:
jump into a volcano
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) September 19, 2014
I'm only here because I don't have any cute kids to brag about on FB and I'm sick of my own IG selfies.
*Tweets fondly about Doritos*
— Scanda~Lizfurrr (@thisislizz) September 19, 2014
My potential last words:
1. It's cool, I got this.
2. Look, I can fit 37 Milk Duds in my mouth
3. Promise your girlfriend won't find out?
— It's Stephanie (@Snarfernini) September 18, 2014
When i have a crush on someone I pester them until they die
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) September 18, 2014
Maybe babies cry because nobody is texting them.
— moody monday (@mdob11) September 18, 2014
I can find out everything I need to know about a person based on who they pick in Mario Kart.
— Monica Ann (@Monicann86) September 19, 2014
People tell me Bruce eating the cake in Matilda was one of the most stressful moments EVER. I'm like, "I'm glad you had a happy childhood."
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) September 17, 2014
Watching Taylor Swift learn how to use Tumblr is my new favorite hobby
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) September 17, 2014
Thought it read " New Exciting Temple Parking Lot Procedure" but it says "exiting" and now I feel less high about the holidays.
— Ann Imig (@annsrants) September 19, 2014
"Period sex is gross." A menstruation cycle lasts 28 days. All sex w/ a girl is period sex. *grabs tampon scepter, sits on Diva Cup throne*
— Colette McIntyre (@calledcolette) September 19, 2014
If I'm really being honest with myself my favorite restaurant is Starbucks. And that's hard and sad.
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) September 18, 2014