Look, you're just going to have to accept that your cat is actually evil.
You feed it. You allow it to take shelter in your home. But it does not love you. Sometimes it has to pound beers just to deal with your annoying human presence. In fact, it doesn't even want you to touch it, really.
A survey of British cat owners by Cats Protection, a feline welfare organization, reveals that most people who have cats are actually petting them too much.
“Being held or stroked for too long can be very stressful for some cats,” Cats Protection behavior manager Nicky Trevorrow said. "Space and peace is often what they need. They are not small furry humans."
Those results echoed findings published last year by British researchers that found that cats in homes with multiple felines will often arrange their behavior so as to avoid each other.
However, that study also suggested that cats who live in multi-cat homes are probably more tolerant of petting.
Also, if you die alone in your house, your cat might eat you.
Just get a dog already.
Not convinced? Here a few more reasons why your cat is evil.