POLITICS
10/10/2014 03:39 pm ET Updated Oct 10, 2014

The Police Report From The Palin Family Brawl Is Full Of Crazy Details

The police report from a September brawl that included the Palin family was released on Thursday, and boy, did it include some crazy details.

The incident took place at a party near Anchorage, Alaska.

Below, some of the most eyebrow-raising tidbits from the police report:

  • When police arrived on the scene, "there was a large limousine and several individuals that appeared to be yelling and upset." The officer recognized Sarah and Todd Palin.
  • An officer noticed that "one of the males was not wearing a shirt and his [sic] was bloody." The bloody, shirtless male turned out to be Track Palin, who was "heavily intoxicated" and "belligerent at first."
  • Bristol Palin told the officer the family had attended a birthday party at the home of Korey Klingenmeyer. At the party, Bristol says she confronted a woman whom younger sister Willow Palin said had "pushed" her.
  • According to Bristol, the party's host, Korey, "pushed [Bristol] down to the ground" and "called her a 'slut' over and over." Then someone stole Bristol's shoes and sunglasses.
  • "Korey told me he had been hanging out in his back yard with approximately 20 other guests when Bristol Palin had approached the group saying she was going to 'knock that bitch out.'"
  • "[Bristol] stated she didn't know who Korey was and then said that Korey had drug her across the lawn by her legs and was calling her a cunt and a slut."
  • Korey said he was "angry that the Palins had showed up and were causing the problems."
  • "Bristol and her sister came up to the home owner in the back yard. [Korey] was asking her not to do anything there because it was a birthday party, and she punched him in the face 6 times" before "a bunch of wives tackled her ass."
  • Outside the party, the witness saw "four unknown guys jump on [Todd Palin]." Then Track "jumped in and was fighting the people that jumped his dad." But "Track said that he didn't know any of the guys that he said assaulted him, he could only describe them as skinny white males ... and that the kids' 43-year-old father was urging his son to hit Track."

What we take away:

  1. It was a real family affair involving at least four individual Palins.
  2. This probably happened after they crashed someone's birthday party.
  3. While a penchant for drunken brawls may or may not make you a feminist role model, if you see Bristol Palin on the warpath, seems like it's best to duck for cover.
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