Getting two people on the same page about sex isn’t easy. But sexual relationships, like all relationships, need to be negotiated and worked at — which is what you can start doing with these tips from Dr. Phil.
1. Maintain a good overall relationship.
If one of you feels unsupported or unappreciated, chances are you won’t be rolling in the hay very often. If you want a good sexual relationship, it needs to be just one piece of a good overall relationship.
2. Examine your relationship.
Sex involves vulnerability. It is an act that can flow freely only with mental, emotional and physical trust. If you are having sexual frustrations, examine the relationship at large. Are you creating an environment of giving, receiving, trust and relaxation? If not, changing those dynamics will be essential before your sex life can change.
3. Let go.
Sex should not be forced. It should be just one more way of expressing mutuality, support and caring. It can then be the springboard for more thoughts and appreciative behaviors that will bridge into the next, seemingly spontaneous, sexual interaction.
4. Be a good partner.
It is illogical for you to ignore your significant other in the morning, bark at him/her during the day, argue in the evening, and then fall into his/her arms for a fanciful sexual adventure at night. Insensitivity, inattention and hostility make sexual intimacy unnatural. If you want a rhythmic pattern of sexual intimacy, then create a relational pattern that reflects the same intimate emotions.
5. Make sex a priority.
If everything with your partner seems to be flowing consistently, problems with sexual relations may persist for different reasons. There are times when one or both partners become distracted and allow sexual interaction to slide down the priority scale. These couples have allowed a number of competing activities and circumstances to rob them of this very special, intimate exchange. You must consciously commit to putting sex back in your life.