10/30/2014 05:55 pm ET

HUFFPOST HILL - Bucolic Countryside Bike Rides America's Newest Enemy

Mitch McConnell told the Koch Brothers that "I don't know where we'd be without you," which was even more dramatic considering he was standing outside in the rain and yelling it at their window. Michael Jordan called the president a "shitty golfer," which is one step above being a "chickenshit golfer." And Ted Cruz bristled at Tim Cook's essay on being gay, though perhaps Cruz was expressing a deep-seated jealousy over not being able to come to terms with his own identity as a Canadian. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Thursday, October 30th, 2014:

MCCONNELL RELYING HEAVILY ON KOCHS - Paul Blumenthal: "In June, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) took a break from the campaign trail to address a conference held in Dana Point, California, for donors to the political network operated by billionaire brothers Charles and David Koch. According to secret audio obtained by The Undercurrent, McConnell spoke to the wealthy crowd about his opposition to campaign finance reform and the latest efforts to increase the amount of money they could donate to campaigns. He was introduced by two employees of Koch Industries, Mark Holden and Kevin Gentry, who also happen to help run the Kochs' main political funding node, Freedom Partners Chamber of Commerce. McConnell began his remarks by praising the two brothers. David Koch, at least, was in attendance. 'I want to start by thanking you, Charles and David, for the important work you’re doing,' McConnell said. 'I don’t know where we’d be without you.' At that point, Charles and David Koch, along with their families, had already donated the maximum amounts to McConnell's re-election campaign, which has faced a tough slog against Kentucky Secretary of State Alison Lundergan Grimes (D). But there is always more money to be raised from donors in the Koch orbit." [HuffPost]

Poors are people, too, my friend: "Mitt Romney accused President Barack Obama and his administration of failing low-income and minority Americans at a rally in Sioux Falls, South Dakota on Thursday, alongside South Dakota Senate candidate Mike Rounds, who appears to be coasting toward a victory in next week's midterm election. 'He hasn’t helped the poor, hasn’t helped the minorities,' Romney said of Obama, noting the record level of poverty and food stamp enrollments in the aftermath of the 2008 recession." [HuffPost]

Third quarter GDP growth clocked in at 3.5 percent, the government said.

DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - Is this lady riding a bicycle Paul LePage's Waterloo? Scott Malone: "Maine Governor Paul LePage vowed on Thursday to use the full extent of his authority in response to a nurse who has treated Ebola patients in Sierra Leone, after she left her home in Maine and took a bicycle ride despite a quarantine order." [Reuters]

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BUT TED CRUZ HAS LOTS OF GAY FRIENDS APPLE PRODUCTS - Maybe Democrats could have their own love-a-thon like the GOP did with Chick-fil-A and pose with iPads like a bunch of doofuses. Salon: "Texas senator and boastful homophobe Ted Cruz reacted to Apple CEO Tim Cook’s announcement that he is gay by calling Cook’s sexuality a 'personal decision.' Asked about Cook’s coming out on CNBC’s Squawk Box, Cruz parroted the right-wing talking point that sexual orientation is a personal choice. 'Those are his personal choices. I’ll tell you, I love my iPhone,' Cruz said. 'Listen, Tim Cook makes his personal decisions, and that is his life. My focus is on the constitutional question of who has the authority to make decisions,' he continued." [Salon]

Bobby Jindal tried to make "Barack Obama isn't intelligent" happen, but, then again, Bobby Jindal is a terrible national politician: "Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal (R) attacked President Barack Obama's intelligence on Tuesday, claiming Obama deserves a tuition refund from Harvard since he didn't learn 'a darned thing while he was there.'... 'You see we have gotten so used to saying we have a constitutional scholar in the White House, we've gotten so used to saying we have a smart man as president. But I'm beginning to wonder if that's really true,' Jindal said, according to video posted by the Louisville Courier-Journal." [HuffPost's Igor Bobic]

PISS OFF GOP LEADERSHIP? CHECK. PISS OFF YOUR DISTRICT'S BIGGEST INDUSTRY? CHECK. GET REELECTED? CHECK - Behold the power of party affiliation, as evidenced by Tim Huelskamp: "Huelskamp's political difficulties began in 2013 when he was stripped of his spot on the Agriculture Committee for bucking his party's leadership...Then, in a move that was either incredibly brave or incredibly insane, Huelskamp cosponsored a bill that would phase out a law requiring gasoline to contain ethanol...Kansas' 1st District is the country's 11th-biggest producer of corn... But for all of Huelskamp's political liabilities, he'll likely prevail on Tuesday. National Democrats haven't expended any meaningful resources on [Democratic opponent Jim] Sherow's campaign. According to campaign filings with the FEC, Sherow has only a small fraction of Huelskamp's cash on hand, and his skeleton staff is working to coordinate a campaign in a district that is roughly the same size as Illinois." [HuffPost]

CHICKENSHIT UPDATE - Sam Stein: "Secretary of State John Kerry on Thursday distanced himself from and sharply criticized the use of an epithet by an anonymous Obama administration official to attack Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. Speaking at the Washington Ideas Forum, Kerry said the description of Netanyahu as 'chickenshit' was dramatically at odds with the prevailing viewpoint in the administration. 'We condemn anybody who uses language such as was used in this article,' he said. It's "disgraceful, unacceptable, damaging," he added. 'I never heard that word around me in the White House.'" [HuffPost]

LAND OF THE FREE AND HOME OF THE CHICKENSHITS - For other political putdowns, see Asshole, Major League. Sarah Harvard: "The reference to poultry feces is a time-honored insult in American politics...It all started when President Lyndon Johnson was put off by a banal question asked by a journalist attending an informal press gathering at the Oval Office...'You're talking to the commander-in-chief of the most powerful military in the world,' Johnson reportedly sneered, 'and you ask a chickenshit question like that?' ...A couple of decades later, 'chickenshit' returned to the spotlight at the height of the Gulf War during a clash between two politicians: Sen. Paul Wellstone (D-Minn.) and President George H.W. Bush..."Who is this chickenshit?" the elder Bush snarled after being lampooned by Wellstone at a reception for new congressional members, Mother Jones reported." [HuffPost]

Flashback: The Eight Types Of Assholes In Washington.

TOM MENINO DIES, WAS WICKED GOOD MAYOR - He's like Boston's Rudy Giuliani, if New York liked Rudy Giuliani and didn't hold him in complete disdain after he left office. Globe: "An old-school politician whose own smarts owed more to the streets than the college classroom, Menino nonetheless helped turn Boston into a hub of 21st-century innovation, recruiting high-tech companies to the sprawling South Boston waterfront one minute, then cutting the ribbon at a neighborhood burrito shop the next. 'No man possessed a greater love for our city, and his dedicated life in service to Boston and her people changed the face of the city,' said his successor, Mayor Martin J. Walsh. 'With sheer determination and unmatched work ethic, he took a city that is not as big in size as we are in stature and put us on the world stage as a national leader in health care, education, innovation, and the nitty gritty of executing basic city services.'" [Boston Globe]

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - Here is "Gone Girl" ... but with cats.

PRESIDENT EMASCULATED - Avery Stone: "Well, it's safe to say there's someone Michael Jordan does not want to golf with. When Jordan discussed his ideal golf foursome with sportscaster Ahmad Rashad, he seemed into the idea of playing with President Barack Obama -- at first. 'I’ve never played with Obama,' Jordan said in a clip featured on Back9Network. 'But I would.' But then he dialed back his request, big time 'No, that’s OK," Jordan said. 'I’d take him out. He’s a hack ... I never said he wasn’t a great politician. I’m just saying he’s a shitty golfer.'" [HuffPost]


- A history of internet trolls.

- Ten hours of walking the streets of New York... as a man.

- T-Pain without autotune is amazing.


@LOLGOP: Republicans have a chance of picking up 2 states Obama won and Democrats have a chance of picking up 3 states Romney won. #Wave

@delrayser: PSA: that hilarious iGay joke you're thinking of has been made already

@elisefoley: Here's a weird snapchat from Rand Paul's staff

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