COMEDY
10/31/2014 06:47 am ET Updated Oct 31, 2014

Jon Stewart's Message To Texas Dems: 'You Poor Bastards'

Jon Stewart brought "The Daily Show" to Texas this week, and on Thursday night he tore apart the notion that the red state is turning blue.

“Texas has been a conservative state since dinosaurs roamed it 6,000 years ago," Stewart said. "At least, that date's according to the Texas state high school textbooks."

To make his point, Stewart looked at the candidates leading races across Texas, from statewide office to the district level.

Greg Abbott, who currently holds a commanding lead in the race for governor, once posted an ad on Facebook showing a photo of a gun and a Bible that read: "Two things every American should know how to use... neither of which are taught in schools."

Dan Patrick, the state's leading candidate for lieutenant governor, has backed teaching creationism in school, allowing guns on campuses, ending direct elections of U.S senators and outlawing all abortion.

“You couldn’t be redder than that guy if you took Clifford the Big Red Dog and shoved it into the Devil’s rectum,” Stewart declared. "That's as red as red can red."

So call Stewart skeptical that the state will be turning Democratic blue anytime soon.

"You poor bastards," Stewart concluded. "Democrats in Texas are like the drunk guy at the bar who won't stop hitting on a girl even though we know she's a lesbian."

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