11/03/2014 10:59 am ET

Nobody Took The Hamptons On The First 'Kourtney & Khloe Take the Hamptons'

E Entertainment

The series premiere of “Kourtney & Khloe Take The Hamptons” revealed that Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick's relationship is on the rocks and that Khloe and French Montana had a blast in South Africa. The premiere also proved that the show is inaccurately titled. It should be called “Kourtney Wants To Take The Hamptons, But Khloe and Scott Aren’t Down.” Or, “Scott Escapes The Hamptons and Khloe Takes South Africa.” Okay, those titles are definitely too long for E! to make into a hashtag, but on the real, no one took the Hamptons in this week’s episode. No one even took a piece of the Hamptons. The Hamptons remained largely intact. As Khloe so aptly put it, “What do you do here?” I have a feeling we’re going to spend the season wondering the same thing. I also have a feeling there will be a lot of trips to New York City.

The last season of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” left Scott sad and depressed after the death of his parents, all the while struggling to be genuinely excited for the birth of his third child with Kourtney. “Kourtney & Khloe Take The Hamptons” begins with Scott breaking into his own house -- classic Lord Disick. Then he replaces the Canadian flag with an “LD” flag. Also, classic LD. Throughout the episode Scott attempts to open up about his grief and anxiety. However, Kourtney doesn’t seem too keen on talking about his feels. We know she’s not into all that but still, it’s a little sad. Khloe, on the other hand, having gone through her own share of heartbreak in the past year, is a bit more sympathetic. Khloe and Scott’s relationship has always been a highlight of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” They seem to have a genuine (and hilarious) brother-sister relationship. (Also, Scott really is good at making a perfect froyo swirl.)

Kourtney and Khloe then go into town and remind us why they set out to conquer the Hamptons in the first place: Dash. LOL remember Dash? #TBT. Then the girls play croquet while Kourtney talks about her itchy vagina because isn’t that how croquet was meant to be played? The whole time they're all wondering why they’re in the Hamptons in the first place. (So am I!) The people of the Hamptons don't want them there. Khloe for sure doesn’t want to be there, she’d even rather be in Jersey. Scott definitely doesn’t want to live the Hamptons life, or as he calls it, the “grab a gun and kill yourself life” (um, red flag?). Kourtney seems indifferent about pretty much everything ever so I don’t see why she would be pushing to haul ass to the Hamptons either. We get she likes farm fresh eggs and the fact that the businesses look like houses, but right now this show is looking like the sequel to “Les Misérables” (sans French Revolution, plus French Montana).

Speaking of French Montana, he and Khloe are pretty cute together. It’s sad that (spoiler alert!), we already know they break up, but can’t we just enjoy Khloe’s happiness while it lasts?

So the season premiere left us with the lingering question, what the heck are the Kardashians doing in the Hamptons? And judging by the previews for the rest of the season, this question might never be answered. Oh, never mind, yes it will -- ratings! Oh, and I love how the episode ended with a “To be continued…” as if we’re all waiting on the edge of our seats to see if Kourtney will allow Scott entry into his own home. The suspense is killing me!

If we can take away anything from tonight’s episode, let’s go with French Montana’s wise words: “You cannot cheat the hustle. The hustle know exactly what you doing.”




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