Are you single and sick of it? Is it the men … or could it be you? Well, there’s one common denominator in all the dates you’ve been on: YOU. So you’ve got to do a bit of soul-searching to help you get to the bottom of why you’re not finding Mr. Right. Dr. Phil suggests you consider these tips:
1. Be Aware Of The Impression You’re Making
First impressions go a long way so you’ve got to be aware of the message you are sending when people meet you. Are you too pushy? Too desperate? Too forward? Could you be scaring a man off? Is your body language a turn-off? Your non-verbal communication speaks volumes so pay attention to it. Do you refuse to make eye contact? If the guy is looking for his cell phone within a minute of talking to you, your effect on him isn’t a good one! If you can’t figure out how you’re being perceived, ask someone who will tell you the truth. Equally as important as figuring out what impression you’re making is thinking about what statement you want to make. That’s a conscious decision you need to make and then execute.
2. Make Yourself Approachable
“The number one fear that men have is rejection,” Dr. Phil says. They need to see a vulnerability, an approachability, so they feel like they have something to offer you. Have you gotten so comfortable being single that you put out a vibe that screams, “I am fine on my own and don’t need you”? Why would a man want to come within a mile’s distance of that?
3. Check Your Baggage
About 20 percent of communication is what you say, and the other 80 percent is non-verbal. That 80 percent reveals your "personal truth," what you really believe about yourself when nobody is looking. If you're carrying baggage — insecurities, fear, desperation — people can tell. Your true feelings about yourself will come through in the way you act and speak. If you're playing the game of life with sweaty palms, your insecurity is no secret to anyone who meets you. You may be thinking, “He's not going to like me” when you meet someone, and in return, he’ll be thinking: “She knows herself better than I do, and she thinks I'm not going to like her. She’s probably right, so I’m out of here!”
4. Burn Your Checklist But Know Your Deal Breakers
“The problem with checklists is I think nice guys never get a chance,” Dr. Phil says. “If you make a quick judgment and you put them off on your checklist, you can miss some really nice guys.” He adds, “There’s a lot of ways to skin a cat,” explaining that someone who didn’t go to college could still be an intellectual or a billionaire. Dr. Phil adds, “Let me tell you something. This chemistry thing is way overrated, because if you think marriage is like a long date, it ain't!”
But, Dr. Phil says it’s important to know what your absolute deal breakers are. If you’ve got a reasonable list of what you’re not willing to compromise on (like a man who does drugs), stick to it.
5. Move Slowly
When you feel the pressure of time, you can make mistakes, overlook important details or misjudge someone. Dr. Phil says it’s important to see your potential mate in many different scenarios. First impressions don’t tell you the whole story, so you need to accumulate a bunch of first impressions — like the first time you’re alone together, the first time you have a conflict, or the first time he’s sick. “You get a lot of first impressions that you accumulate, and that tells you who the person is, instead of just what kind of date they are,” says Dr. Phil. Let the natural rhythm of a relationship run its course without getting too impatient or forcing things.