Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
10yo: Can you give me a five for these five ones?
Me: Sure, here.
10yo: Nice doing business with you.
I'm seeing my future right before me.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) December 8, 2014
I treated my 3 year old to something other than a plain bagel at the coffee shop & now I'm watching her pick off 3 billion sesame seeds.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) December 8, 2014
3yo:What's wrong mom?
Me: I don't feel great today.
Deli guy:Can I help you Ma'am?
3yo:MAYBE YOU JUST HAVE TO POOP!
Me:No that will be all.
— Outsmarted Mommy (@outsmartedmommy) December 9, 2014
"Oh! Here my harmonica is!"
- is the last thing I wanted to hear my 6 year old say this morning.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) December 9, 2014
Mad Libs, but for parent-teacher conferences.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) December 9, 2014
Me: OMG! Look at all the stick figures on the back of that min-van! That family is HUGE!
Wife: It's the same size as ours.
— Babies Daddy (@dshack8) December 9, 2014
I already got a "you're mean" from the 3yo. I get points for not saying "well, you're obnoxious" back, right?
— Greta Funk (@gfunkified) December 9, 2014
I'm 90% sure I got the correct kid to the correct school at the correct time.
Probably should've had coffee first.
— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) December 9, 2014
Motherhood in eight words: This is why we can't have nice things.
— Lynn Morrison (@NomadMomDiary) December 5, 2014
I said it was bedtime.
The look on my toddler's face said I would be the first one with my back against the wall when the revolution comes.
— Lea Grover (@bcmgsupermommy) December 9, 2014
"No more water! You will wet the bed."
Makes eye contact. Drinks more water.
5-year-olds are A-holes
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) December 9, 2014
If this tv is so smart, why can’t it tell me where my toddler keeps hiding the remote?
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) December 10, 2014
I love my children. I just love them a little less before 6am.
— Will Goldstein (@willgoldstein) December 12, 2014
Just when you think you are kicking ass at this parenting gig, teenagers happen.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) December 11, 2014
Parenting dilemma: Do I accept her invitation to play the flutophone she just sneezed into, or let HER keep playing it?
— HollowTreeVentures (@RobynHTV) December 11, 2014
My kids are carrying spoons and encouraging me to take a nap. Either the apocalypse is near or they found the frosting I hid in the fridge.
— Jessica Watson (@JessBWatson) December 11, 2014
Me: Here, put a few carrots on your son's huge plate of pizza.
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) December 10, 2014
Me: Want to come to work with me and see what I do all day?
4-year-old: No. I don’t want to be sad.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 12, 2014
I never feel closer to my kid than when we're having our daily conversation about how much we hate winter but love Netflix.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) December 8, 2014
This week I learned that if there's one thing that can spread through a 1st grade classroom faster than lice, it's the F word.
— Suburban Snapshots (@SuburbanSnaps) December 12, 2014