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12/15/2014 10:50 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

The Best Way To Handle Your Family Dysfunction (VIDEO)

For many of us, our most dysfunctional relationships are with the people we love most, our family members. Progressive spiritual leader Rob Bell, bestselling author of Love Wins, discusses how to handle the destructive skeletons hiding in your family's closet in this exclusive clip from the premiere of "The Rob Bell Show" on OWN.

"Families always have a bunch of rules about how things are operated," Bell says. "But here's the problem with families: no one ever writes the rules down. Correct? So all we know is there's a bunch of rules about what we can say and what we can't say, what's permissible and what's not. But no one ever wrote down how the thing works."

As a kid, you just pick up on these unspoken rules, he says. But as an adult, you may no longer agree. "This is my blood, this is my tribe, this is my family -- yeah, but they're all crazy," Bell says. "I love them, but there is dysfunction."

Once you recognize that you're in an unhealthy situation, Bell says it's time to start creating boundaries. "And what's really hard sometimes for people is to hold in one hand, 'these are my family, this is my tribe, I love them,' but there's also toxic, destructive things here that I can't participate in." The key, he says, is to balance both.

So this holiday season, when you're find yourself smack in the middle of family drama, remember: you can love your family while keeping your distance, too.

"The Rob Bell Show" airs Sunday, Dec. 21 at 8 p.m. ET on OWN.

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