WOMEN
12/17/2014 09:26 am ET Updated Dec 17, 2014

Every Guy You Meet On Tinder (In 3 Minutes)

It is one thing to endure the dark machismo of Tinder within the confines of your smartphone. It is quite another to encounter it in real life.

While in-person weirdness might not be as egregious as the messages a woman receives on the app, the mind-numbing drone of "I'm in finance," "Let's split the check" and "I don't believe monogamy" is a familiar score to way too many Tinder dates.

A new video written and directed by Michelle Markowitz and David Ross captures the inanities and downright #basicness of "every guy you meet on Tinder." In a dating environment where single women outnumber eligible bachelors and men can score a date simply by making use of their opposable thumbs, it seems that even a smidge of effort is sometimes too much to ask for.

Markowitz rounds up the familiar cast of Tinder characters, laying out their idiosyncrasies in a tight three minutes (which is plenty). The mid-date texter, the whiskey connoisseur, the stoner, the finance bro, Benjamin Button and the secret out-of-towner round out the gang. If you're lucky, you can mix and match for your own paper doll set of minimally adequate suitors. Guy overeager to divulge a foot fetish and split the bill? No problem. "App idea" set sold separately.

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