Throughout the next few months, HuffPost Teen is highlighting the way teens think and feel about sex through anecdotes written for our series, "Teen Sex: It's Complicated." All of the authors are teenagers who have agreed to be published anonymously. If you want to share your thoughts, join the conversation here.
By Nadia, 18
I’m 18. I’m a girl. My first time was this year. I’ve never been in love. I'm the oldest to three younger sisters, so I'm the first to experience a lot of things. I don't care so much about being the cool or fun older sister. I'd rather be the one who they really can talk to about anything and trust me with it. Sex is made a big deal out of, and I know with my parents it's a frightening subject. I sort of pre-plan the day when my sisters ask me about things as they grow up. On sex, this is what I'll tell them.
I had a boyfriend at the beginning of the year, who broke up with me because I wanted to have sex and he didn’t. I didn’t pressure him. I just told him what I wanted and he wanted differently. Still, he broke up with me because he felt pressured. To his friends and brothers, even to my friends he was weird because he had a girlfriend who was willing to “put out” and he wasn’t ready to. After all, all teenage boys are sex-driven and just want one thing, right? No, not at all.
Let me start my rant by saying stereotypes suck. We all know it, but we still take part in it, even parents. Mine told me to be careful when I started dating and not to feel pressured by all the sex-crazy boys. Little did they know, the very things they told me to make me feel “not pressured" fueled the fire of inappropriate generalizations and damaged concepts in society.
So, he couldn’t take the pressure, and he broke up with me. I was upset, not at him, just in general. So what did I do? I went and had sex.
My first time was with an attractive guy I barely knew from school. It was his first time too, and truthfully, it was great. It wasn’t awkward and we got past the pain quickly. If I could do it differently, I wouldn’t. But from this arises another problem. My first time was without feeling, with a near stranger, and it felt great. That makes me feel empowered, but it gives people the right to think I’m a slut. Just because I’m a girl, I can’t freely have meaningless sex and enjoy it or even be good at it without justifiable being called a slut, a whore. My ex couldn’t talk to his friends about wanting to wait without being called a girl or a fag. The whole situation literally sucks. My vocabulary starts to lack and my writing turns to crap on this topic because there's so much to say and it just sucks.
Sex is just sex. It's an act we perform. Whether this performance is considered sacred or fun, whether you wait until marriage or do it every night, whether you do it as a profession or some kind of proclamation to God doesn't matter. If it's your body, your mind, it's your choice. No one else matters. So if you're confused about this subject or worried about the choices you make, I'm on your side. Regardless of how you decide, if you make the best decision for you, I'm proud of that. You should be proud of that as well.
A lot of things in this world are wrong, and a lot are right, and a lot of things are still debatable, but forget it when it comes to doing what feels right to you.
It’s so screwed up and it will take a lot of time to change, but it happens just one person at a time.
---Read more from "Teen Sex: It's Complicated":
- "I Found Out I Was Pregnant On The Last Day Of 8th Grade"
- "To Me, Sex Is An Art Form"
- "I Wish I Had Loved Myself Enough To Wait For Sex"
- "Confessions Of A Half-Virgin"
- "Why I Lie About Being A Virgin"
- "I Became Hell-Bent On Losing My Virginity"
- "I Had A Baby At 14, And Here's What I Now Know About Sex"
- "Why I Now Feel Confident, Not Terrified, About Losing My Virginity"
- "I'm Gay, But I Don't Regret Having Sex With My High School Girlfriend"
- "I'm Demisexual -- Here's What That Means"
- "What Losing My Virginity Made Me Realize"
- "My 'First Time' Was Really Embarrassing"
- "I Wanted To Wait For Marriage -- Then I Changed My Mind"
- "Sex Was Mysterious, Intriguing And Terrifying"
- "I Expected A Monumental Change In Myself After Sex"
- "Immediately After Sex, He Stopped Talking To Me"
- "The Act Of Sex Scares Me"
- "I Slept Around Because Sex Didn't Feel Like A Big Deal"
- "Being A Virgin Sucks, But I'm Still Waiting"
- "There's No One I Can Talk To About Sex"
- "In Eighth Grade, I Signed A Celibacy Contract"
- "I Feel Like I'm The Only One Who Doesn't Regret Having Sex"
- "I Thought I Was Ready To Lose My Virginity"
- "Sex Is A Symbol Of Popularity At My School"
- "It Seemed Like Sex Was Some Kind Of Boulder Hanging Over Us"
- "I Argue With Myself Every Day About Losing My Virginity"
- "I'm Staying A Virgin So I Don't Disappoint My Family"
- "Sex Was Nothing To Me"
- "Sometimes, I Don't Know What To Believe When It Comes To Sex"