Little white lies are harmless, right? They've been used in the name of good parenting forever (at least we think so). Here are some things we frequently said to our kids when they were growing up -- and what we actually meant. And a H/T to Huff/Post50 Facebook fans for their contributions to the list.
1. I love all my children the same.
Truth is, you are all different and love is a complicated thing. I love you all, but I love you all differently. Besides, I'll be dead when you see the will and you all can just keep arguing if you'd like.
2. I'm happy if you just try your best.
Of course I am, especially if your best means you scored the tie-breaking goal. Otherwise, not so much.
3. Getting the attendance award is just as good as being on the honor roll.
Maybe it is on some planet I've never heard of.
4. Having a mean teacher prepares you for life.
Life is filled with a lot of mean people and besides, your teacher has tenure so he's not going anywhere.
5. I'm sure the coach just wanted to give Joey some game experience when he took you out and put him in.
And if he doesn't start you next week, I'll be all over him like white on rice.
6. Never resort to violence. Use your words when some kid bullies you.
Somebody needed to beat the crap out of the playground bully. Ice cream for dessert?
7. The dog is living on a farm in the country where he can run free and chase squirrels all day.
If I can just get the stains out of the carpet...
8. Yes I'm listening.
Maybe if I lock myself in the bathroom, I can finish reading this book.
9. I'll be out in a minute.
Not really. This is why they put locks on bathroom doors.
10. That sounds like fun!
About as much fun as poking out my eyes with hot coal sticks.
11. I'm not in the mood for "Flesh-Eating Zombies Eat New York." How about we watch something else?
I'm also not in the mood to have you sleep in my bed tonight.
12. Nobody will remember what you were for Halloween last year, so just wear your old costume.
If that PTA president has anything to say, she better say it to my face.
13. Nobody will know that I didn't bake these cookies for your class party if we put them on a pretty plate.
Any chance you can still sign up to bring in the water?
14. How great it is that Grandma wants you to visit her in Florida for three weeks this summer?
Sure you'll be bored out of your gourd while she plays Mahjong every day, but It's this or summer school, Buddy.
15. Adding red dye to onion dip makes your birthday party more festive.
No comment. Hindsight is the perfect vision.
16. If you sit too close to the TV, you'll go blind.
This has since been replaced by cell phones held to your ear causes brain tumors and standing in front of the microwave will make you infertile.
17. I only hope your kids grow up and talk to you the way you talk to me.
Actually, I only hope you have kids -- I can't wait to be a grandma!
18. Clean your plate. Children are starving in India.
Sorry about overcooking the string beans. Not sure any Indian children would eat them either.
19. High school will be better than middle school.
I hope.
20. College will be better than high school.
I mean it this time.
Related
Before You Go
