Throughout the next few months, HuffPost Teen is highlighting the way teens think and feel about sex through anecdotes written for our series, "Teen Sex: It's Complicated." All of the authors are teenagers who have agreed to be published anonymously. If you want to share your thoughts, join the conversation here.
By William, 18
“Natural” took a whole new meaning when high school started. Along with this new feeling came stories of kids, whom I had known since our days of light up Sketchers and Lunchables, doing, well, it. I always avoided thinking about it, I never talked about it, and up until this time, I had never had to deal with it but all of the sudden, I had this rush of emotions flood inside me. I came to the realization that I had a different idea of this whole “what feels natural” idea then most of the kids around me.
During my junior year of high school, I came to terms with the fact that I was gay. I was surrounded with support and love from my family and friends and I consider myself so blessed and fortunate for that. Despite the lack of external conflict, there was a sexual awakening inside of me just waiting to surface, and at the tender age of 17, I was far from prepared for it.
The first time I kissed a boy, I had a nervous breakdown and even cried a little. He tried to make moves I wasn't ready for and it scared me. I had never been so excited and terrified and anxious at the same time. After it had happened, I was on the phone with some of my friends for upwards of 40 minutes. The second time I kissed a boy, it led to more things. I felt ashamed after this. I felt dirty and regretful but after talking it through with various people, I came to the conclusion that I shouldn't feel ashamed. This was all natural. I had felt so distraught and confused by everything I was feeling that I never thought to realize that all of this was natural and normal.
After ironing out all of my mental wrinkles, it all started to slowly make sense. I shouldn't fear sex. Sex is natural. Sex is something that I find to be very intimate and I hope to share my first time with someone who I care for and who cares for me; it’s not like something that people run for the hills to avoid. I calmed down a lot after this. I became comfortable with myself. I became comfortable with my sexuality. But most importantly, I became comfortable with sex. I would be lying if I said it didn't make me nervous, but in my opinion, it’s better and more understandable than fear. I should clarify that I haven’t lost my virginity, but when I do, despite if it happens before marriage or graduation, or during college, I won’t fear it. I’ll embrace it. There are many things I fear in life, but sex is the last of them.
---Read more from "Teen Sex: It's Complicated":
- "Sex Isn't Something I Should Have To Feel Guilty About"
- "I'm Saving Myself For My Soul Mate"
- "I'm 18 And Have Never Been Kissed"
- "I Feel Like I'm Not A 'Man' Because I Haven't Had Sex"
- "Confessions Of A Teenage Christian Virgin"
- "My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me Because I Wanted To Have Sex"
- "I Found Out I Was Pregnant On The Last Day Of 8th Grade"
- "To Me, Sex Is An Art Form"
- "I Wish I Had Loved Myself Enough To Wait For Sex"
- "Confessions Of A Half-Virgin"
- "Why I Lie About Being A Virgin"
- "I Became Hell-Bent On Losing My Virginity"
- "I Had A Baby At 14, And Here's What I Now Know About Sex"
- "Why I Now Feel Confident, Not Terrified, About Losing My Virginity"
- "I'm Gay, But I Don't Regret Having Sex With My High School Girlfriend"
- "I'm Demisexual -- Here's What That Means"
- "What Losing My Virginity Made Me Realize"
- "My 'First Time' Was Really Embarrassing"
- "I Wanted To Wait For Marriage -- Then I Changed My Mind"
- "Sex Was Mysterious, Intriguing And Terrifying"
- "I Expected A Monumental Change In Myself After Sex"
- "Immediately After Sex, He Stopped Talking To Me"
- "The Act Of Sex Scares Me"
- "I Slept Around Because Sex Didn't Feel Like A Big Deal"
- "Being A Virgin Sucks, But I'm Still Waiting"
- "There's No One I Can Talk To About Sex"
- "In Eighth Grade, I Signed A Celibacy Contract"
- "I Feel Like I'm The Only One Who Doesn't Regret Having Sex"
- "I Thought I Was Ready To Lose My Virginity"
- "Sex Is A Symbol Of Popularity At My School"
- "It Seemed Like Sex Was Some Kind Of Boulder Hanging Over Us"
- "I Argue With Myself Every Day About Losing My Virginity"
- "I'm Staying A Virgin So I Don't Disappoint My Family"
- "Sex Was Nothing To Me"
- "Sometimes, I Don't Know What To Believe When It Comes To Sex"