Since the days of the Neanderthals, men have been asking "what do women want?" Well, we are here to tell them, especially the older ones. Older men have many fine qualities, but even they could use a little tongue-in-cheek advice to up their game. Here are 10 of the hottest things that women say they want from their men:
1. Rub my feet and don't ask to have yours rubbed back in return.
The idea is that you are gifting me a foot massage. If I have to rub yours in exchange, it is a barter and not a gift.
2. Take my side.
Take my side in everything, all the time. When I wage war against a teacher, the cable company, or the family teenager who refuses to do his or her homework, be right there with me. Take my side, even if you don't feel it 100 percent. I don't need to always be right, but I do need to always have you on my team when we take on the world.
3. Teach me to use the remote for the umpteenth time.
I seriously don't know why remotes are this complicated. And last time I looked, we had three in the bedroom. Remotes overwhelm me. I will take notes next time, I promise. OK, probably not.
4. Recognize my limitations and help me compensate for them.
You know that I am directionally challenged and have trust issues with my GPS. Thank you for not mocking me for this. Thank you for always printing out the directions from Mapquest because, for me, they are my driving Binky. Thank you for always calling to make sure I didn't wind up in Canada.
5. Be a good tipper.
Don't be ostentatious, but please be generous. Generous people are kind people. They know the value of making others happy. Tipping shouldn't be a power trip. It should be an opportunity to do something nice for someone else.
6. Be decisive.
I may not agree with all of your decisions, but I want you to make them anyway. It isn't that I enjoy second-guessing you and I'm not laying in wait, ready to pounce with an "I told you so." It's that I don't want to be responsible for everything and when you won't be decisive, I have to be.
7. Plan a vacation for us.
This is a job that I've been doing forever. I actually love planning trips. In fact, for me, planning is one of the best parts of traveling. I'm damn good at it too. I love reading about things we'll see and do; I love figuring out the logistics of getting from one place to another when we've never been there before. I feel invested in our trips because I assemble them from small pieces, just like a jigsaw puzzle. I want you to have this experience too. Why? Because it's fun.
8. Be thoughtful with your gifts.
We have many private jokes and private moments that are "ours." Use this information to buy me something. Hint: It is the rare woman who finds appliances thoughtful.
9. Remember important dates.
If you can remember every baseball statistic in the books, you can remember our anniversary. Besides, you can set a calendar reminder if you have to.
10. Send flowers to the office and don't ever say yes when I ask if something makes my ass looks big.
Flowers waiting for me on the kitchen counter are beautiful and remind me of your love. Flowers sent to the office are also beautiful and remind not just me of your love, but all my coworkers as well. See the difference? Everyone is a little shallow about something, and this is it for me.
As for my backside: This is the only time in our relationship that you have permission to lie. Lie wisely.