06/12/2015 10:24 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Pizza Hut Hot Dog Bites Pizza Is The Pizza America Deserves

The effort to improve pizza crust is always a worthy endeavor.

Pizza Hut's new Hot Dog Bites Pizza deserves our attention. It transforms the edge of the crust, which is at best barely tolerated in an attempt to not be wasteful and at worst completely discarded, into dough-covered hot dog nuggets with French's Mustard dipping sauce. Hot dogs, though they have their flaws, are certainly more appealing than crust. Here it the pizza in all its Frankenstein-ish glory:


At first glance, this would seem to be a worthy addition to the field of pizza innovations. But we've been down this road before. and it's important to exercise caution.

It was 20 years ago when we first eagerly tried Pizza Hut's stuffed crust pizza. Cheese, inside the crust! What could possibly be bad about that? But it was bad. It was as unnecessarily sweet as Subway bread (as a side note, do you know why you can smell a Subway restaurant from three miles away? It's because of the sugar).

The cheese also had a synthetic garlic taste. It tasted like what a chemistry major in the bottom quintile of their class would tell you was an acceptable garlic substitute made from entirely inorganic material. For that same chemical garlic taste, see also: Papa John's garlic sauce. See it, and then throw it in the trash.

This is all to say that, though we like hot dogs and we spent much of our college years eating hot dogs for periods of seven days straight (we called it “woof woof week”), we remain skeptical.

But don't let us stop you. Bloomberg reports that the Hot Dog Bites Pizza is in the United States from now until July 11, or until 1.5 million of these things are sold.

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