The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Mercury retrograde ends its tyranny tomorrow which is kind of sad because then I have to stop blaming everything bad on Mercury retrograde
— Fariha Róisín (@fariharoisin) June 10, 2015
You don't really know a man till you've seen him Build a Bear.
— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) June 7, 2015
*loses an acrylic nail while attempting to open a carton of chocolate milk*
I'M NOT A GIRL, NOT YET A WOMANNNNN
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) June 9, 2015
Fries > abs.
— Alie Martell (@aliemartell) June 9, 2015
every white guy in bk looks like one of the dads from rugrats
— Ayesha A. Siddiqi (@pushinghoops) June 11, 2015
I got sad and ate a bunch of ice cream: an autobiography
— Angela Wheezy (@CarpeAngela) June 9, 2015
i think people like seltzer so much because that first sip tastes like an instantaneous and fairly inexpensive life upgrade
— Durga Chew-Bose (@durgapolashi) June 10, 2015
on jury duty this week. my vapid, drifting thoughts: does justin bieber do jury duty? what about dennis hastert?
— Hanna Rosin (@HannaRosin) June 9, 2015
I can't wait to be a stepmom. My boyfriend doesn't have any kids, but I'm willing to wait.
— Sara Benincasa (@SaraJBenincasa) June 9, 2015
Saying, "Have a good weekend!" on Wednesday is a great way to let people know you don't want to talk until Monday.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) June 10, 2015
I hate when I'm in a room with 3 other people, & I have to shove the entire kit kat in my mouth.
— barbara the ninja (@ninjadinosaur1) June 10, 2015
i wanna be famous on instagram but not actually BE on instagram you know?
— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) June 9, 2015
Startup idea: Uber but they come to your house and kill giant bugs for u.
— Julia Segal (@juliasegal) June 10, 2015
"Greased Lightning" but the T-Birds are all thoughtful millennials. "Why, this girl...is PROB-LEMATIC...."
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) June 10, 2015
Millennials always think it's Friday.
— Emma Barker (@emmajune) June 12, 2015
Breaking: Cameron Crowe to cast Asian actress as lead in Rachel Dolezal biopic
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 12, 2015
hiccups are a great way to stay humble
— Lara Parker (@laraeparker) June 11, 2015
Like nanny cams, but they're body cams and we make all the cops wear them.
— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) June 11, 2015
That too hot for pizza weather is the worst
— Michelle Markowitz (@michmarkowitz) June 11, 2015
Shout out to the guy who just asked me for the time, tried to start a conversation with me and then TOOK OUT HIS OWN PHONE. I SEE THRU YOU.
— Alexis Kleinman (@alexiskleinman) June 11, 2015