06/26/2015 05:02 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

HUFFPOST HILL - Nation Prepares For Gay, Drunken Evening

The Supreme Court realized conservatives' worst nightmares by legalizing same-sex marriage nationwide -- children should report to the nearest gentrifying urban neighborhood for indoctrination. In an alternate universe, President McCain’s Supreme Court appointees, Justices Statler and Waldorf, issued the majority opinion that all the queers need to quit their gosh darn bellyaching. And Antonin Scalia called the ruling a “threat to democracy,” probably because gay marriage sets in motion a cultural decline that leads to polygamy, beastiality and, ultimately, people making sexual passes at voting machines. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Friday, June 26th, 2015:


CONGRATS, GAYS! - Now please don't be dicks and register at Restoration Hardware. Giant brass sundials don't pay for themselves. Also, "You Can Call Me Al" is the most underrated wedding song. Amanda Terkel and Dana Liebelson: "The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 on Friday that it is legal for all Americans, no matter their gender or sexual orientation, to marry the people they love…The justices found that, under the 14th Amendment, states must issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples and recognize same-sex unions that have been legally performed in other states. Justice Anthony Kennedy delivered the majority opinion and was joined by Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Elena Kagan, Stephen Breyer and Sonia Sotomayor. In a rare move, the four dissenting justices each wrote an opinion...In the majority opinion, the justices outlined several reasons same-sex marriage should be allowed. They wrote that the right to marriage is an inherent aspect of individual autonomy, since "decisions about marriage are among the most intimate that an individual can make." They also said gay Americans have a right to "intimate association" beyond merely freedom from laws that ban homosexuality." [HuffPost]

HOT DAMN, THAT'S A MAJORITY RULING - "No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right. The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed. It is so ordered." [SCOTUS]

Antonin Scalia called the ruling a "threat to democracy," which would explain all those insurrection happy hour meetups at J.R.'s we keep hearing about. "Buried beneath the mummeries and straining-to-be-memorable passages of the opinion is a candid and startling assertion," Scalia wrote in his own dissenting opinion. "No matter what it was the People ratified, the Fourteenth Amendment protects those rights that the Judiciary, in its 'reasoned judgment,' thinks the Fourteenth Amendment ought to protect...Who ever thought that intimacy and spirituality [whatever that means] were freedoms? And if intimacy is, one would think Freedom of Intimacy is abridged rather than expanded by marriage. Ask the nearest hippie." Damn, homie! [HuffPost]

Hippies respond: "HuffPost went to look for the first hippie we could find, per Scalia's instructions. Neil Cousins, a 61-year-old man from Alexandria protesting nuclear weapons outside the White House...was nonetheless willing to offer a judgment on Scalia's assertion that marriage abridges rather than expands intimacy. 'I've known it to have both reactions,' he ruled. 'Scalia is a big knucklehead.'" [Ibid.]

Mike Huckabee still refuses to marry a man. Ted Cruz has major poop pants.

Here's what it was like at the court when the ruling came out.

@anamariecox: Coincidentally, today is also the day that a GoT cast member let slip that YOUKNOWWHO might not be dead-dead.

The Washington Post has a rundown of local Marriage Equality Day celebrations. Free champagne at Cobalt, y'all.

DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - New Mexico's looking to do some food stamp cuttin' by imposing a time limit on unemployed able-bodied adults without dependents. "A new state proposal would require New Mexicans who get food stamps to work for them. In a state that leads the nation in child hunger, some fear the changes would have a devastating effect on some families...Currently, the state asks adults ages 18-50 to be employed or looking for work if they want to get food stamps. Under the state's proposal, people ages 16-60 with children older than 6 have to do 80 hours of community service a month." [KOAT.com]

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HELPFUL REMINDER: WORLD STILL TERRIBLE - Ben Hubbard: "Terrorists attacked sites in France, Tunisia and Kuwait on Friday, leaving a bloody toll on three continents and prompting new concerns about the spreading influence of jihadists. In France, attackers stormed an American-owned industrial chemical plant near Lyon, tried unsuccessfully to blow up the factory, and left behind a decapitated corpse. In Tunisia, at least one gunman disguised as a vacationer opened fire at a beach resort, killing at least 37 people before security forces shot him to death, officials said. And the Islamic State claimed responsibility for a suicide bombing in one of the largest Shiite mosques in Kuwait City during Friday prayers." [NYT]

OBAMA AND BOEHNER HAVE SOME Q-T ON AIR FORCE ONE - Boehner greatly appreciates the presidential aircraft's prodigious selection of mixed nuts and world-renown upply of plastic wine nips. Adam Lerner: " The Republican House Speaker took his first trip with the president on Air Force One as the two headed to Charleston, South Carolina, to mourn the nine African-American men and women killed at their church last week. Obama has never been known as much of a schmoozer, but in recent months he has treated fellow lawmakers from both parties to trips aboard Air Force One with him as a way of currying favor and engaging in discussions with a captive audience...Boehner carried with him an envelope containing a first-flight certificate, given to passengers when they make their first trip with a president aboard his plane." [Politico]

PRESIDENT DELIVERS IMPASSIONED EULOGY OF REV. CLEMENTA PICKNEY - Paige Lavender: "President Barack Obama delivered a stirring eulogy at the funeral for Rev. Clementa Pinckney, a South Carolina state senator and pastor who was one of nine people shot and killed at Charleston's Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church last week. 'The Bible calls us to hope. To persevere, and have faith in things not seen. They were still living by faith when they died, the Scripture tells us,' Obama said of Pinckney and the other shooting victims, who the president said were "each at different stations in life but bound together by a common commitment to God.' 'Good people. Decent people. God-fearing people,' Obama added. 'People so full of life and so full of kindness, people who ran the race and persevered, people of great faith. To the families of the fallen, the nation shares in your grief.'" [HuffPost]

Video of the president singing "Amazing Grace" at the service.

IT IS SO ORDERED - Ron Fournier thinks President Obama led. Thanks, Ron!

PLUS! Police killed one of those escaped convicts.



- Get your tears on: YouTube's tribute to marriage equality is something else.

- An explainer on Confederate flags.

- Neat interactive timeline of marriage equality in the U.S.


@LOLGOP: Same-sex marriage, health care & no racist flags on state buildings. What galldarned hell do you think this is, CANADA?

@pareene: what an extraordinary day for America's bloggers, content creators, content curators, and social media personalities. congrats to u all.

@brownandbella: The first black president singing Amazing Grace at the podium of a black church founded by a man who planned a slave revolt.

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