I thought I knew a lot about the female orgasm, but after having sex expert Emily Nagoski come by the show, I realized how much more there was to it! Emily has been writing and educating about sex for 20 years, and has taken special interest in helping women achieve more pleasure, more often, and more confidently. She has a bestselling new book out called Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, and we covered all the bases in our chat together.
In the video above, you can hear Emily lay out her top three tips to help us achieve orgasms more frequently, and with greater pleasure -
- Add Clitoral Stimulation Only about a third of women are reliably orgasmic from vaginal penetration alone, the remaining 2/3 are sometimes, rarely, or never orgasmic from vaginal stimulation alone, so most women could use a little bit more direct clitoral stimulation. This can be applied any number of ways – your hand, your partner's hand, a sex toy you hold, a sex toy your partner holds, your partner's pubic bone grinding against your pubic bone, whatever it takes to add clitoral stimulation.
- Stop Spectatoring There's this phenomenon called spectatoring, where instead of paying attention to the pleasurable things happening in your body, you end up “watching yourself” by thinking about how you're appearing/ behaving in the moment. You could be distracted by the thinking about the way your breasts are moving, the fat on your body, how your face looks, and all of that engages the “brakes” in your brain's sexual decelerator.
- Take Away All Expectation That You're Going to Have an Orgasm The traditional belief that sexual satisfaction can only be achieved through orgasm is just wrong. We should take away all expectation that you or your partner will have an orgasm, and experience sex for what it should really be – pleasure, for pleasure's sake, for as long as you and your partner are physically capable of performing it.
Check out the full interview with Emily here.
And be sure to pick up a copy of Emily's bestselling new book, Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life!
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