09/21/2012 12:20 pm ET Updated Nov 21, 2012

Before You Ask Them to Take This Job and Shove It...

This week I had the privilege of being interviewed on Great Day Houston, a local morning show that airs on the CBS affiliate here in town. I loved this interview for so many reasons. One, the host, Deborah Duncan, and her team were thorough, and they really cared about the subject. She asked terrific questions about my book Power of a Teacher and what I'm doing these days, and she listened intently to the answers. She talked about how she, too had been affected by great teachers who challenged her to do more and to be somebody in this world. It was obvious that she is on a mission to change the world a little bit every day in her job. Those teachers who took the time to challenge and encourage her would be proud of what she has become. Second, it gave me achance to talk about two teachers in my high school who changed everything for me: JoEllaExley and Polly McRoberts. Deborah and I talked about how those two were tireless in their efforts every day and how their care and concern for me turned my life around. We showed pictures of the schools Katy ISD named after them.

Afterwards, as I drove home I thought a lot about the difference between teachers who care every day in spite of the struggles and the many who will opt out of the teaching field in the next few years. Why? Why do some burnout and others do not?

Christina Maslach, a professor of psychology at the University of California Berkeley, has spent the last thirty years studying occupational burnout, and she has identified three key "dashboard lights" that tell us when it's time to check under the hood of the vehicle we call our vocation: emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and reduced personal accomplishment. These warning lights glow as a result of chronic stress. Stress is energy, and we tend to express that emotional fuel via two behaviors: we attack (engage) or we run (disengage). Both behaviors--engaging and disengaging--can be helpful or hurtful; it depends on how we choose to engage or disengage.

Engaging as a Helpful Behavior

Expressing the emotional energy of anxiety by engaging is helpful when we can attack the source of our stress without harming ourselves or those around us. For example, we can use the energy to anticipate, which means connecting with someone (a colleague, friend, or counselor) who has been through our dilemma before or understands it well enough to offer us support and direction. We can also use the energy to assert ourselves appropriately, which means communicating our thoughts and feelings clearly and consistently, using "I statements" ("I feel overwhelmed at the moment, and I think I need some time to calm down" versus "This job sucks and something at work has to give."). Setting clear boundaries by knowing when and how to say "no" is another example of asserting ourselves appropriately.

Engaging as a Hurtful Behavior

Not all expressions of engaging are helpful. Expressing the emotional energy of stress by engaging is hurtful when we harm ourselves or those around us in our attempts to alleviate our stress. For example, we might blame and attack others ("It's fill-in-the-blank's fault I'm in this mess. If he wasn't such an idiot, I wouldn't have to be dealing with this right now."). Or, we blame and attack ourselves; taking ownership of our weaknesses--and eventual wellness--is essential, but when we wallow in self-loathing, we become our own worst enemy. Strategies like these may feel good in the moment by providing a momentary release and relief, but in the long run the damage done only adds difficulty to an already problematic situation.

Disengaging as a Helpful Behavior

Expressing the emotional energy of anxiety by disengaging is helpful when we withdraw from the source of our stress to reflect and recover without harming ourselves or those around us. For example, we may tap the energy to create time to be alone for reflection and perspective. A million-dollar question I encourage my patients to ponder in times of crisis is "What might I be doing to contribute to or sustain the problem?" The point of this type of reflection is not to encourage us to beat up on ourselves, but to position ourselves to focus on the variables over which we have the most control--those within us. Time in reflective meditation can also offer perspective: how big is this problem, really? How important will this issue be in my life next week? Next month? Next year? Five years from now? By considering problems in the context of a broader time frame, we can reduce the sense of crippling urgency that often accompanies our stressors.

Disengaging as a Hurtful Behavior

As with engaging, not all expressions of disengaging are helpful, either. When disengaging takes the form of apathy, denial, or refusal to acknowledge our own wrong-doing, we run the risk of harming others by failing to maintain a necessary level of investment in a problem's resolution: "What do I care? I'm not making a difference anyway, so I'm just going to avoid the problem and act like nothing is wrong."

Maintaining an awareness of how you are managing your stress-- helpful or hurtful--can save a lot of heartache for everyone involved as you organize the changes you need to make to nurture your well-being. Will you view these challenges as a mess someone else created and then fall victim to resentment? Will you view these challenges as an obstacle that cannot be overcome and retreat into denial and apathy? Or will you understand these challenges as opportunities to nurture an abundant, mature life?

Thankfully, we get to choose. The choice is important, because it affects so many people who are counting on us to step up and make a difference. Deborah and I and all the students out there who have had the trajectory of their lives altered understand what's involved here and how vital it is that we stay in the game to change our world a little every day.