THE BLOG
06/14/2008 11:34 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Tim Russert's Biggest Get

MR. RUSSERT: Welcome to this very special edition of Meet the Press. Our guest today in an exclusive Sunday morning interview is God, also known as Jahweh, G-d, Jehovah, Vishnu, Shiva, Allah and 99 other names in the Islamic tradition. We are delighted and honored to have You as our guest. I am, as you know, a Christian of the Roman Catholic persuasion, Please tell me how You would like to be addressed.

G-D: Thanks for having me on. Glad to be here. I have been called many names throughout human history, but you can call me in your parlance, the Ultimate Boss.

MR. RUSSERT: Well, let's get started. Thank You for agreeing to talk to us at this time, which as You know, is somewhat difficult for me as I have just shuffled off the mortal coil, as they say.

ULTIMATE BOSS: I understand, obviously. I'm sorry for your earthly difficulties, but I think you will find it eternally more satisfying to be here than in Washington or Buffalo, wherever that is.

MR. RUSSERT: Thank You and I appreciate that. Let me begin by asking why You agreed to come on Meet the Press?

ULTIMATE BOSS: The Jesuits told Me you were an important figure in the American political scene, and would be tough but fair, and I wanted to find out if they were right. Besides, I checked and saw that you were a regular attendant as Sunday Mass, except for when the Buffalo Bills were playing.

MR. RUSSERT: Sorry about that, but football is very important to me. Anyway, as You know, we are in the process of electing a new president, which we do every four years. Since You know everything that will happen, can You tell us who the next president will be?

ULTIMATE BOSS: I could tell you but I'd have to kill you.

MR. RUSSERT: Excuse me, sir, but I'm already dead.

ULTIMATE BOSS: Sorry, I was distracted by the earthquake in China, the tsunami in Burma and the Iowa flood. Well, as the late Teddy White told me, political reporters should always report what is happening and never try to predict what will happen. He was a very wise man. Look what happened with Barack Obama and that minister in Chicago - one of my favorite cities, by the way - and John McCain and his comment about having to stay in Iraq for 100 years. But I can tell you that the next president of the United States will be a sitting member of the U.S. Senate.

MR. RUSSERT: Thank you sir, but with all due respect, I could have predicted that as well.

ULTIMATE BOSS: Don't get snippy with me. I can send you back to working for Mario Cuomo or Pat Moynihan, you know, or even down there with Nixon and Agnew.

MR. RUSSERT: I apologize. Let's move on to President Bush as he nears the end of his second term as president. Do You think he has done a good job?

ULTIMATE BOSS: Let me put it this way: If he were working for Archangel Gabriel, he would be out of a job.

MR. RUSSERT: And how about Vice President Cheney?

ULTIMATE BOSS: You mean the guy who picked himself as vice president and then shot his friend while duck hunting?

MR. RUSSERT: Yes, that one.

ULTIMATE BOSS: Well, I guess I'd have to say with his history of heart trouble, he's lucky not to be here with you.

MR. RUSSERT: OK, let's move on to more serious matters. You wrote a book called the Old Testament, in which You state in the Song of Solomon, "I am black, but comely. O ye daughters of Jerusalem." And You also wrote, in the Book of Jeremiah, "To bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are found." Isn't that an implicit endorsement of Sen. Barack Obama and his liberal ideology?

ULTIMATE BOSS: Not really. It was simply a statement about the beauty of My creation and the need for compassion.

MR. RUSSERT: Please answer my question. Is that a yes or a no?

ULIMTATE BOSS: Your reputation for persistence is well deserved. But since you insist, it's a no.

MR. RUSSERT: OK. This is what You said about Sen. McCain in the Book of Revelation. Let's look at the video.

VIDEO: "And I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea. And I, John, saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband."

MR. RUSSERT: Isn't that a clear indication that You support Sen. McCain and his appeal to the religious right?

ULTIMATE BOSS: C'mon Tim. You sound like Rush Limbaugh. I was using a colorful simile to make a point.

MR. RUSSERT: Alright. We're running out of time, but let me ask a final question: Why do You think Hillary Clinton failed in her quest for the Democratic presidential nomination. Was it because she was a woman?

ULTIMATE BOSS: No. It was because I was concerned about what her husband would do if he was back in the White House.

MR. RUSSERT: Thank you very much for joining us on Meet the Press. Stay with us. After the break, we'll have a panel discussion about presidential politics with Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Franklin Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan. And then I'll tell you who will be the next moderator of Meet the Press.