THE BLOG
10/31/2015 05:55 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Notes From a Dive Bar XXXXIII -- Straight Bends

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Bobby, on meds, says he can't think straight.
Have you tried curved thinking, I say.
What's that?
Stand with your head at an angle when you think.
It doesn't work. He falls over drunk.
I'm unstable, he suggests.

All my thoughts just keep going round and round inside my head, says Jane, stirring her gin with a pink pinkie, head slumped down.
Have you tried straight thinking? I ask.
What's that?
Put your head up and look straight at the ceiling.
It doesn't work. She falls straight back off the stool, drunk.
Everything is spinning, she says.

My thoughts are always coming and going, says Jimbo, a jittery bore.
Have you tried going in one direction like leaving forever, I suggest, helpfully.
My thoughts tell me that you are a jerk, he says, judgmental, throwing a cherry at me.
My thoughts tell me that you are leaving right now, I say.
Where will I go?
To hell.
The long way round?
No, the straight way, and I bend his head at an angle in the right direction -- the street.
Warning: Drinking while Thinking can be dangerous.

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