How to Win at Being a Bridesmaid

No matter how much you think you are prepared, NO ONE informs you of the deer-in-headlights impulse that instinctively occurs the second those church doors open and you are sent on your own down the Aisle of Judgment.
12/12/2014 04:36 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017
row of bridesmaids with...
row of bridesmaids with...

The following is an excerpt taken from the book "The Bitch's Bridal Bible: The Must-Have, Real- Deal Guide for Brides," available on Amazon and Kindle.

Being a bridesmaid is not always easy. The bride tells you what dress to get, maybe picks out your shoes and buys you a nice piece of jewelry. Heck, she may even throw in a mani/pedi, or pay for your hair.

But no matter how much you think you are prepared, NO ONE informs you of the deer-in-headlights impulse that instinctively occurs the second those church doors open and you are sent on your own down the Aisle of Judgment.

Your legs are moving, but that's about all you can control, and as a result, you appear in pictures as if you swallowed a series of pain meds and washed it down with a mimosa.

Do not let this be you.

Sure, it's not about you -- it is about the bride, of course -- which means you should do your best to smile like a normal person as you pave the way for her. Do what it takes beforehand to prepare yourself. Try as best you can to ignore the pressure of walking in six inch stilettos all by yourself with three cans worth of hairspray in your perfectly-coiffed hair while holding a 10-pound bouquet and sweating from every orifice in front of complete and total strangers while trying simultaneously not to trip on the custom-made aisle runner or clumsy photographer. No problem, right?

While some girls are seasoned veterans at this, for others, it always brings on the stress. Instead of focusing on the aforementioned, here are some tips on appearing as natural as possible in this situation:

  • Try to imagine a dear friend or loving family member, and hopefully this will conjure up a somewhat relaxed-looking smile as you saunter down the aisle.
  • Know your role. You are here for the bride. Pay attention at the rehearsal so you know where to go on the big day and can confidently get there.
  • Slow it down. The faster you walk, the more likely you are to trip or look like a maniac.
  • Do a boob check before you head down the aisle. A funny little thing about those expensive dresses is that they are often manufactured pretty cheaply, so make sure your girls are pulled and tucked. You don't want to signal the arrival of the beautiful bride with your Bouncy Boobies Day Parade.
  • For god's sake, eat something before the ceremony. Eating will make you less shaky and put some color in your cheeks. Save the white for the bride's dress.
Things a Groomsman Should Know
:

Rent a cheap tux. Show up. (I hate you.)

If you are getting married or know a bride-to-be, check out Alessandra's book: "The Bitch's Bridal Bible: The Must-Have, Real- Deal Guide for Brides," available on Amazon and Kindle. You can also find Alessandra on Facebook and Twitter.

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