THE BLOG
01/06/2015 04:23 pm ET Updated Mar 08, 2015

10 Rules of Being a Sexy Woman

Thomas Barwick via Getty Images

Ah, the joys of womanhood: We are the beautiful sex, the graceful gender, the intuitive, all-knowing half of humanity. We've ruled kingdoms with a glance and have all but stopped the world from going round with the wave of a hand. Mighty is the woman.

And sexy, too. Except that sexy is beginning to take a new shape: We're starting to realize that it's not the way she looks, but the way she carries herself, that makes a woman irresistible. It is her depth, and substance. Beyond her physical appearance, a sexy woman has recognized certain truths, is dignified in her choices, and refined in her character. We, ladies, have all passed over from error-prone teen to wise woman. It's taken different elements to help us cross that river: experience, time, positive influence, etc.

I, for one, dressed as scantly as possible and packed on three pounds of makeup daily in my late teens. Did this make me sexy? No. It made me laughable and plainly insecure. I was acting out because I hadn't yet connected with my inner goddess. It wasn't until the age of 26, when I met a certain gentleman who gently reeled forth the bona fide woman brimming within me, that I became, well, sexy.

It's about time we redefine the criteria of being a sexy woman. If you're a member of the feminine clan, adopt these ten rules to settle yourself into your invincibly alluring nature:

You carry yourself like a lady. At all times -- no exceptions. I shake my head at the women I see drunkenly slobbering over words, dancing with their skirts unknowingly hiked over their heads in nightclubs, or screaming out every four-letter-word (we've all seen the reality shows...). I not only find it unattractive, I find it appalling. Being a sexy woman means acting like a lady. It means maintaining firm control of your words and actions. Recognize your limits. Remember that if someone angers you, it's much more effective to respond in a smart way than a belligerent way. The words woman and classy should remain synonymous.

You stand on your own feet. In the old world, the man was the breadwinner and the woman was the homemaker. There are many women who still depend on their spouses for financial support today. And while I don't condemn this lifestyle, I find it worrisome not to have a financial backup plan. A sexy woman has her own fiscal security. Her partner may earn more than she does, but she is prepared for the worst if it were ever to happen. A woman prides herself on knowing that if she ever found herself on her own, she would suffice.

You don't throw yourself at anyone. Wondrously caring and infinitely loving is the sexy woman. But she is also proud and acknowledges her vast self-worth. For this reason, she doesn't throw herself at anyone who doesn't reasonably reciprocate her efforts. The sexiest women I know know when to call and when to refrain from calling, be it with stubborn friends or a lover that plays hard to get. They do take no for an answer and don't seek without shame. Their esteem is not affected by the approval or attention of anyone.

You portray the right image. I cannot count the number of women I've encountered on my beloved Instagram who show more skin than patrons of a nude beach. If I could ask these overly eager ladies one question it would be, "Do you want to be taken seriously or do you seriously just want to show off?" Because you can't have both. A woman is not desperate for attention, and especially not the wrong kind. Mind you, this is coming from someone you was the cover of Playboy Romania. But I have paid my dues to society and suffered the consequences for portraying the wrong image. We evolve, we grow, and we learn. And the sexy woman, she has learned to show just the right amount of skin while showing much more intellect.

You don't compete or belittle. A woman who degrades another woman is merely a little girl in grownup clothes. Women don't hate other women. They support them. If they don't agree with something, they criticize constructively and show the right way. But they don't call other women names simply for the fun of it. Even if another woman has done something wrong, retaliating with insults is uncalled for. Sit pretty like a lady and let the universe return its karmic rounds.

You nurture. Even in our modern world, we remain the gentle, caring gender. A woman does not wall up her abundance of empathy because she's scared to look weak; a real woman allows her compassionate instincts to flow freely for all those around her. It is okay to care, to nurture others and nourish their spirits. This doesn't make you any less of a powerful female. The next time your partner's had a rough day, embrace them. When your friend is feeling low, bring over something special to console them. If your parents are struggling, offer to help in whatever way you can. To be conscious of and careful with others is captivating in every way.

You display wisdom. There is nothing sexier than a wise woman. Our wisdom is inherent, and we can cultivate out intellect. A truly appealing woman thinks before she speaks and acts. She has formed a close bond with her intuitive voice and often "feels" her way through important matters. She reverts to the eternal principles of our world as her commandments: be patient, don't take what isn't yours, don't make the same mistake twice, and so on. Wisdom can be developed at any age and contributes tremendously to the charm of a woman.

You don't tell everything. We've all seen Sex and the City; four gal pals gather together to divulge every (and I do mean every) detail of their lives to each other in search of guidance and common sense. And this seems normal -- after all, who can you vent to if not your best friend? Not so fast. Remember that your "BFF" also stands for biased, fragile and flawed. She will advise from her own experience without trying on your shoes. I've seen many cases in which a girlfriend turns out to be a greater enemy because of subconscious envy or personal beliefs. Don't automatically run to your best friend to complain about your boyfriend. In (short) time, she'll develop a negative impression of your partner and her suggestions will turn negative. Seek the answers within you: pray, meditate, ask for signs as to what you should do. The truth is that you already know in your heart what steps to take without spilling the secrets of your life to Rachel, Jennifer, or Anna. Friends come and go, dear as they may be. The only two relationships in your life that are permanent fixtures are the relationships you have with yourself and, hopefully, with Spirit. Work to foster both faith in the divine and in yourself and you won't feel the need to reveal the details to others. In short, learn to think for your own sexy self.

You maintain your household. If only for yourself and for no one else, a real woman still knows how to cook and clean. She makes her bed before leaving for work, even if nobody visits her home that day. Nowadays, many women have forgotten how to make a meal, scrub a tile, or sew a torn garment. But until Apple invents the iMaid, such old-world traditions are still needed, not to mention undeniably sexy. After all, what more alluring than a woman saying, "Come, I'll make you dinner?" A woman maintains her possessions and environment in excellent condition. Because the way you respect your home, car, and other valuables speaks volumes about the way you respect yourself.

You aren't dominated by negative emotions. Nothing turns off her partner more than a woman who dramatizes tiny matters, cries more than she smiles, or is outrageously needy. Women have gained this awful reputation for being exaggeratedly emotional. And aside from likely ruining your relationships, allowing yourself to be dominated by negative feelings simply isn't healthy on any level. Pay close attention to your emotions throughout the day: Do they shift quickly, and do you go from being happy to sad in seconds? Do you spend more of your day anxious or worried than you do relaxed and reassured? Do you snap at others or become upset over negligent things? It may not be you, but the people in your life, who contribute to such dangerously fluctuating feelings. But emotions can be controlled. The more you train yourself to react in a certain way, the more you establish new pathways for the neurons in your brain. The more often you respond by crying and yelling, the more deeply you carve that particular neural pathway. But if you force yourself to remain calm and reason through a situation, you set that up as an automatic reaction in time. Even emotions are the result of habit, and the sexy woman has gotten into the habit of mastering her emotions so that they cannot master her.

As women, we want to be considered sexy for far beyond our great looks. If being a woman is a journey, then being a sexy woman of substance is reaching the peak of the mountain. But there are many twists and turns along the road to real sexiness that require us to make the right decisions. Live by the ten rules of being a woman and inspire others to follow in your gracefully sexy footsteps.

To a new definition of sexy,
Alexandra Harra

For more by Alexandra Harra, click here.

To connect with Alexandra Harra on Facebook, click here.

To connect with Alexandra Harra on Instagram, click here.

For more on self empowerment, click here.