I'm not trying to be mean. I'm sure your crush is actually a really nice guy deep down.
I just don't know him like you do. Plus I wasn't there that one time when he did that nice thing for you.
But -- for the sake of all the genuinely good dudes out there -- let's pretend that one or two random moments of decency don't equate to actually being decent.
Because real respect and consideration are easy to spot. They make you feel good. You feel cared for, listened to and special.
In good, healthy relationships, you know where you stand and you don't spend your time reading articles like this.
But since you are reading this -- let's see how your current interest stacks up on the jerk meter.
Here are 10 pretty awful signs he's way more into himself than you:
- You're not actually dating. You just have sex/talk/text when it's convenient for him.
- He says things like "I'm so detached from emotion, I can't even remember what it's like to think that way" when you ask him to say something nice about you.
- You have sex then he doesn't call or text, because he doesn't want to feel pressured to communicate. That would be like having a girlfriend and, he already told you -- he doesn't want a girlfriend, or, at least, not you.
- He calls you judgmental or critical (insert any other put down) for calling him out on being said jerk from day one. You are the "clingy/emotional/needy/fragile" one for wanting a real, human connection.
- He thinks it's okay to outwardly criticize you with the aforementioned put down, including in front of his friends.
- He obsessively emails, texts, and likes all your Facebook posts until you give him the time of day, then he can't be bothered to talk to you. He disappears for weeks on end, then reappears with another flood of attention for a short time. Rinse and repeat.
- When you go to his place, there are condom wrappers and other women's clothes on the floor. He makes no effort to apologize or tidy for you. He says at least you don't have to wonder.
- When you leave, he double checks that you have all your clothes. Not that you have all of your belongings -- but specifically your clothes. When you jokingly ask if he's worried your errant garment might inadvertently c*ck-block him, he coolly responds that no other woman's clothes could c*ck-block him. You know he means it, because you were that undeterred woman (see #7).
- After a particularly amazing time together, he acknowledges the connection and says it was nice. Then he ignores you for weeks and, the next time you see him, changes his story to clarify that any emotional closeness wasn't nice. It was "intense" and "uncomfortable".
- He specifies that not only does he not think about your feelings when you're not around, he doesn't want to either. Just in case you were unclear about your value to him as another living, breathing, feeling human.
If your current guy checks off even one of these, run.
There are too many kind, considerate men in the world waiting to honor and cherish a woman for you to spend one more minute disrespecting yourself with a guy like this.
But before you find one of those nice guys -- spend some time alone. Figure out why you choose to put up with being treated like an inconvenient option in the first place.
Because no one can treat you worse than you allow them. You set your worth.
So stop being your own worst nightmare and set your inner jerk straight.