11/28/2012 05:55 pm ET Updated Jan 28, 2013

2012 Holiday/Fauxliday Calendar

Thanksgiving Thursday was the official start of Black Friday this year as retailers across the country opened for 24 hours and even extended sales into Small Business Saturday. As the dawn broke on Cyber Monday, a panic begins as our attention suddenly turns to the split day of Giving Tuesday/Mobile Tuesday. Which one of the fauxlidays will we honor? When is Hanukkah again? What about Krampus?!

Fear not, noble surfer of the internets! Not everyone is as savvy on pretend consumer holidays and actual holidays as pretentious bloggers are, and I'm just pretentious enough to be your guide through the season. Print this out and pin it to your shirt, so you'll never forget precisely what, how, and when we need you to buy things to commemorate the birth of Santa and other things.

2012 Holiday and "Fauxliday" Calendar