09/13/2012 10:53 am ET Updated Nov 12, 2012

Bills Bum in First Game of the Season

The team wore its "home" uniforms because the Jets' home jerseys are white... ridiculous. MetLife Stadium stop selling beer after halftime... ridiculous. Jets fans in general were... ridiculous. My reaction to the game was hyper dramatic... aka ridiculous. The team made history in its own books by allowing the most points in a season opener, ever... ridiculous. I actually met a Bills fan who said he was too "embarrassed" to wear Bills gear to the game. I stared at him blankly for a second and then had to walk away... RIDICULOUS. The Bills lost... not so ridiculous, some may say, but I had high hopes and so did they, so: ridiculous.

What went so wrong in a game that seemed to have the potential to go so right? For starters, the Jets tricked everyone. New York made everyone think it was a struggling team all preseason, looking overall lackluster with Rex Ryan seemingly concerned on the sideline and the offense failing to score any TDs. Then Week 1 of the actual season and bam... 48 points, Mark Sanchez channeling his rookie year swag and the defense picking off Ryan Fitzpatrick left and right. I was in such dismay that the only thought going through my mind when the Bills were down 20-7 at halftime was: Shoot. Me. Now. Beer.

It's really too painful to relive the nitty gritty, so let's breeze through the low highlights. Then, we can all have a cry/therapy sesh and enjoy my... ridiculous... MetLife experiences.

Fitz was oddly out of sync. Three interceptions? I'm not even mad, I'm sad, because I know he's better than that. With 195 yards, three TD passes, a little scrambling and a definite "we're not giving up" attitude, he was still a glimmer of Fitzmagic, so just waiting for him to emerge full blown.

I already covered the Jackson/Nelson tragedy. Freddy didn't even have a chance to show me how he was planning to spoil me this season. Nelson's two catches for 31 yards show he would have been a viable go-to receiver, which makes him being out an extra shame.

C.J. Spiller really stepped up. One TD and 169 yards gave him a career day and the most rushing yards by a Bill on kickoff weekend since O.J. I'm sure he's been itching to play a more prominent role, so this is his chance, and last week's performance gives me a smidgen of hope that I might make it through this Jackson debacle with less psychological damage than I was predicting.

The defense struggled to stop the passing game. One the ground... meh. The D managed to prevent any uber depressing and lengthy streaks down the field but first down conversions add up. Next week, can I see some sacks or run stuffing or interceptions, pretty please?

The good part? The Bills didn't give up. I respect that. They could easily have given in to discouragement but instead brought the game at least a little closer at the end of the fourth with a pair of touchdowns. To me, that says a lot about Fitz's leadership on offense, the team's attitude and Chan's heart.

Lonely but proud.

Now, for the best gems from MetLife.

  • Tailgating in the parking lot, this Jets fan had a megaphone and was booing, growling (okay???), heckling, harassing any Bills fan that walked by. At first, I really thought I was going to be able to make it through the game without any confrontation and minimal blood pressure rising. This jacka changed everything. Also, he had a mullet. No. 1, nobody should ever rock a mullet. No. 2, nobody should ever rock a mullet and think they're entitled to a megaphone. No.3, nobody should ever rock a mullet and think I'm going to respect anything you have to say.
  • Unfortunately, mullet man had a spawn who was equally obnoxious. This 10-year-old douchebag in training followed every Bills fan around clashing cymbals at them until his miniature legs got tired and he turned back for more grooming. Lucky for him, he didn't bother me, because I would not have hesitated to kick him.
  • I was standing around at halftime, minding my business and waiting for my friend to meet me. Random Jets fan: "Sucks for you." Me: "Walk away now or I will seriously murder you." Random Jets fan: "Not my fault you're a Bills fan. Me: "Not my fault you're an asshole." He stood there trying to think of something to say, couldn't, and walked away. Not my best comeback but apparently it was effective.
  • Everybody I walked by asked me if I was okay. I know I looked miserable but I must have looked way more despondent than I thought because their concern seemed legit. Maybe it's because my pissed face is really scary. Or, it could have been the bloodshot eyes and smudged mascara (in my defense, I was battling hormone imbalance. I can usually make it until at least halfway through the season before a tear is shed... and never in public).