There are three versions of every story. The two people's versions who are involved in the story, and then the truth. Plato belived that the truth was made up of many versions of the truth, and I believe that one side of any story is never enough to really understand the story behind the story. Human beings are complex creatures wired to judge, love, crave attention and feel connected to each other. It is amazing to see how many people tell themselves stories time and time again, only to create barriers and barricades from true connection with others and themselves. As someone who loves to hear people's stories and share my own stories with the world, I have found some of the stories I have continually told myself have not allowed me to listen wholeheartedly to others' stories.
We tend to create stories in our heads about others that connect with our own story of ourselves. I I have found people tend to interconnect their stories so that they feel better about themselves, creating a false sense of reality to fit with the understanding of who they are and who they have told themselves to be, until something happens to change their story. A friend of mine and I played a game recently that I am now coining the "judgement game." Both me and my friend have gone through "transformations" the past year, working on ourselves to get past the piles of garbage layered over our eyes masking our view of ourselves and others. We sat next to each other after a long day and I openly assessed situations in his life, "judging" him to his face. I made remarks that would usually just go around and around in my mind, remarks others would say behind his back, and asked him question after question. Here is the special thing about another person who is doing all they can to work on themselves -- they do not internalize your judgment. They listen to you, respect your opinion and answer matter-of-factly. They don't tell you that you are wrong or right, but instead accept that it is a part of your truth but may not be a part of theirs.
My friend gladly gave me feedback for my judgment, explaining each remark I had asked. Mind you, I have no right to judge anyone, but it has to be accepted that it is human nature to judge, to analyze, to protect yourself with your stories, your understanding of other stories and your refusal to admit that you are deeply affected by others' judgment of you.
After a night of "judgment," it made me realize how similar we all are. We all just want to be loved, to love, to be happy, and to feel accepted. We all have insecurities, self judgments and feel overwhelmed by the uncertainty of life. We are all here to just do our best, be our best and accept that all of our stories can intermingle to become a part of the one big truth, the truth that maybe we just don't know everything and that's completely OK.
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