I have not written for three weeks because I have been having a baby. It was not the easiest of births; passion and fear rather than a Disney arrival.
I did get to experience all the different types of births that one can have. I got an epidural that worked on one side only. And the joys of lots of pushing followed by a Cesarean. The general anesthetic was the cherry on the pie.
There are deeply personal parts that are entwined in this great moment when I became two people. Do I want to throw those parts of me in black and white on to the internet? I am glad I got to write about my chicken, I can hide behind her confliction.
Is motherhood, writing and making art about it, a worthy pursuit? Is it little self indulgent, domestic, and unprofessional? Or is that my paternalistic values degrading my sex?
I do not know what the answer is but I really want to explore my new mothering role. It is not just sweet and cuddly, it is fear and philosophy. His basic needs to be held and fed, warm and secure teach me how to live my life.