05/27/2011 04:46 pm ET Updated Jul 27, 2011

This Crazy Weather

Weather forecasters must have been really lazy when I was growing up. Back then the weather was tame. I don't remember so many tornadoes, hail storms, high winds or even thunder storms. The forecasters had it easy; they probably laid in hammocks all day sipping margaritas while spewing out the weekly forecast -- "Sunny every day!" -- and assuring the public that their sports events, BBQs, picnics and trips to the beach could go ahead as scheduled. After which the forecasters would switch from margaritas to shots of tequila with lemon and salt. Then they'd pass out for the next 24 hours until it was time again to update the forecast -- "Sunny every day!"

Consistent weather made for a more predictable daily life. Ah, the good old days!

The change in the weather patterns has posed a problem for weather forecasters nowadays who know better than to commit to any particular forecast. Here is an example of a recent extended forecast in my area:

Today: Partly cloudy and partly not. High of 60 but when you leave the house, take a jacket with you just in case. The Mississippi will flood.

Tomorrow: Sunny all day. Dream on. Extremely windy; your dog will be blown off its chain. Chance of tornadoes. Maybe some flooding too. And don't leave out the possibility of hail.

Monday: Sunny all day until clouds come. Daytime high of 55. Snow likely in evening.

Tuesday: In the morning, a slim chance of sun. In the afternoon periods of rain, sometimes light, sometimes heavy enough to cause flooding. This will be followed by 100 percent precipitation. Periods of sunshine possible. We said possible. Acts of God likely.

Severe weather warning: Heavy rain, flooding, landslides, falling asteroids, stray lightning bolts, quick sand, sink holes, whirlpools, blow holes, crevasses, avalanches and sand storms possible. Stay tuned for updates.

Wednesday: Showers in the morning, bathtubs in the afternoon. In late evening, Jacuzzis!

Updated severe weather warning. We forgot to mention "fire and brimstone."

Thursday: Partly sunny, but we're not going to tell you when. It will be warm enough to go swimming so ladies, shave your legs. Thunder storms also possible, as well as occasional hurricanes.

Friday: Sunny all day. But we might change that, since really, no one knows what the weather is going to be like in seven days.

While the weather forecasters have a whole lot more to predict than just sunshine these days, at least we still have a fifty-fifty chance that it will be sunny or cloudy and twice that chance of having partly sunny days with a few clouds on the side and an extra serving of Fahrenheit on top.

If the weather does return to normal by the summer, I forecast more margaritas during the week, with a 90 percent chance of lemon, salt and tequila shots on the weekends.