06/20/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Larry King's History of America

When Larry King married his first wife, Freda, in the late 1700's, the young nation was aflame with news of Revolution, but Larry was aflame with something else.

As Paul Revere rode through the countryside issuing his famous warning, Larry asked his associate producer to stake out the Old North Church as a suitable wedding venue. But John Hancock could see the writing on the wall and playfully joked with him on his show - "It will never last!" -- and he was right.

Larry's second marriage to Annette happened just after he had scored his first big broadcasting coup when he booked explorers Lewis and Clark on his show, followed by a very sympathetic airing of the whole Sacajewea spell check rumor.

Unfortunately, during the Civil War Larry had a brief fling with Clara Barton, who he first sought out to treat his sciatica and Larry's marriage to Annette was over.

Larry next marriage was a twofer. He was married and divorced to his third wife, Alene, twice. In between their weddings, Larry married someone else, and Edison invented the light bulb. I think it was at that point that both his wives got a good look at him in bed.

Larry had Mark Twain sit in for him for a week's worth of shows and got another divorce.

Larry married again. Soon after, Alexander Graham Bell revolutionized Larry's ability to book guests for his talk show because producers no longer had to use carrier pigeons. The telephone also opened up his dating prospects, and Larry had divorce number five.

World War Two might have dampened America's spirits, but not Larry's! The USA and Larry King were both superpowers by that point, but he and his next wife were divorced by the time of the Korean conflict.

Julie was wife number six. He was a successful talk show host, she was a Bobbysoxer with a dream. Unfortunately, due to a dispute over his desire to wear both a belt and suspenders, the union didn't last and Larry was divorced again.

Just as America was falling in love with the Beatles - the "Fab Four," Larry had found his fab seventh.

Shawn Southwick was his most recent wife and his longest marriage. Because of his twofer, he has had eight marriages but seven wives and - well, the divorces are hard to count because there were two divorces with the same wife, plus an annulment. As Larry himself would exclaim, "You do the math!"

And so, America, what's next?

Well, this week President Obama mentioned going to Mars.

Who knows - there might be life there.

And Larry's looking forward to dating it.