Here's what I would like to say to all the mommy bloggers who are good writers and pretty funny and offer good advice about how to deal with a toddler who will only wear ballerina tutus: You ain't seen nothin' yet. And you moms out there who have kids over 5 know what I mean.
They say you are only as happy as your unhappiest child, and there are no truer words. How can you simply go about your day, enjoying your morning coffee, your Weight Watcher's vegetable teriyaki rice at lunch time, a dirty martini with three blue cheese olives (hence the Weight Watcher's) when that clock strikes five, if your child is suffering? And by suffering I don't mean an injury, or God forbid an illness, I mean, you know, like, if someone made fun of their shoes, or they didn't get into their chosen sorority. (You bitches, I haven't forgotten.) Perhaps they didn't get put into the baseball game that time you flew your whole family out to Orlando when the team made the little league play-offs, and to this day, Uncle Irwin still asks why little Johnny had to sit the bench when he and Aunt Judy drove up all the way up from Longwood. Whatever it is, it affects us in a big way. BIG.
And so it is today, that I sit here feeling sad, weighted down, helpless, after receiving a call from my daughter. Things were going so well too, so far, I mean, it's only 9:04 a.m. I was sipping my morning coffee, and saw her name come up as my phone buzzed away.
Could it be she is simply calling to say "Hi Mom! Have a great day!?" Yes I know, that is funny. Basically when my kids call this early in the morning I answer the phone with "WHAT! WHAT HAPPENED!!??" And just as I feared, there was something wrong. And this time it is big, worse than when she called me and said "Get over here. A kid on a bike just ran into my car." Worse than when she called me and said, "Hey, there are a bunch of cops outside. Did you ever take care of that citation?" (I hadn't and bad things ensued. Don't remind me.)
You see, it seems that daughter's iPhone is outdated and will not sync with her computer. On top of this horrendous news, she also shared with me that her television is not a smart TV and she is having trouble watching Netflix on her small laptop. Hulu is also an issue. Well, needless to say, MY day is ruined.
The hard part, I guess is that I am powerless to help her. Due to my eeensy-weensy alimony (which BTW, runs out in a few years, just in time for me to break a hip and be TOTALLY unemployable) and my desire to keep the IRS happy this year, I have no way of fixing this for her. I can only sit by, devastated, watching her struggle and suffer. Yet I know she is strong, capable, will somehow find a way to overcome these trying times. She will survive and one day, who knows, maybe by some miracle we will have an upgrade on our Sprint account and she will enter the kiosk, strong, self assured and leave, victorious, new iPhone 6, 7, 8 whatever, in her sweet little hands.
And so, I guess the only thing I can offer her is advice, and that is "THEN GO READ A BOOK and start saving your money!" Do not call me before noon! Remember you have TWO parents! Buckle down. Work hard.
Mommy loves you.