Scared Of Divorce? Keep Your Sense Of Humor (And Sanity) As You Move Forward

Divorce is not a joke. Rarely is it funny. Except for a refrigerator magnet that my friend gave me that said:

There are two sides to every divorce. Yours and shithead's.

I've been single for over ten years and that makes me laugh as much now as it did back then. That's a good thing because divorce can wipe away a smile and sense of humor -- at least temporarily. And like with many things, sometimes you don't even realize it's missing until you find it.

During one of my first dates after divorce, I was sitting on a floor pillow at a Thai restaurant. I may have been drinking my drink or eating a spring roll, I don't recall many details. I do know that we were in the midst of an interesting conversation and then my date laughed. Really laughed. That's when the little voice inside my head told me something important. He wasn't laughing at me. He was laughing because I'd said something funny.

And then I remembered: I was funny! I had forgotten. Yes, I'd forgotten I was funny. Isn't that sad? And right there and then I was me again -- someone I refuse to let go of, or ever forget about, again.

And it made me realize that even in the darkest days of divorce, allowing myself to keep it light -- to make it light -- would remind me that just because times were bad, they wouldn't always be bad. Of course there were days when keeping my head under a blanket all day seemed like a good idea, but that's not usually feasible with kids and dogs and jobs. While it's imperative to be realistic amidst life changes -- and those realities often included financial disasters (not unusual for women), revolving friendships (people don't always know what to do with ½ of a couple), reinterpreting perceptions of self (not a wife anymore) and just the whole failed-at-marriage thing -- it was also crucial to set it all aside. Sometimes.

No, it wasn't easy; some days it was impossible. But when it was possible, I found that, like it or not, every problem was right where I left it, even if I gave myself a break.

What worked, and continues to work for me in my effort to make life as a single-working-mom of (almost) two kids in college a little less scary are the following reminders and steps. They help me feel less overwhelmed. (Note: less overwhelmed. Not, not overwhelmed.)

• I give myself a few hours off to do something I like. Sometimes even if I feel like I shouldn't or I don't deserve the break. It doesn't have to cost money. A guilty pleasure TV show, an online game of Scrabble, a favorite snack -- no, not a ten-hour "Real Housewives" marathon and a gallon ice-cream, although there are times that works too.

The key for me is remembering that a little bit of laughter relieves a lot of stress -- and that living well is truly, the best revenge.