THE BLOG
07/04/2009 05:12 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Sex, Lies, and Money

It's a fact: baby booms happen nine months after bad weather days (blizzards, hurricanes, etc) when people are staying in and cuddling up as well as after dramatic events like 9/11. It's human nature that in trying times we crave the need to be close with our significant other.

So with the economy in a spiral and many of us feeling incredibly insecure, has there been a surprise benefit of a better sex life? Or, has the exact opposite occurred? You know the score, the quicker the peck the quicker you can get into REM.

We took a peek into the repercussions of the recession, specifically into the sex lives of our Posh Moms and what we found out there was very informing.

What we heard was not consistent with the revved up sex drive found typically with non-monetary driven disasters. In fact, the economy in a spiral seems to have us feeling incredibly insecure, so much so that the majority of posh moms polled disagree or strongly disagree with questions one and two from our survey "I find myself desiring greater intimacy since the economic downturn" (a whooping 70%) and "We're going out less and having sex more" (69%). So much for hardship helping to bring us closer.

The longer and harder hours of work--in and out of the house--plus the stress and exhaustion of it all, have created barriers between 50% of us and our guys. Our third question "I'm so exhausted at the end of the day that sex just feels like one more thing demanded of me" was agreed upon by exactly half of those who answered. Most moms feel their energy is sapped after a long day that includes kids and chaos -- financial stressors can break the camel's back.

We are happy to report not all bad news. The other half is not too zonked at days end to partake! It was interesting to find that women may not be finding more intimacy as exhibited by their answers to questions one and two, but half of the group are at least maintaining.

But, as it turns out, the fault is not necessarily just with the ladies of the household according to Dr.Eric Dammann a New York psychoanalyst. "Especially for men, the link between their financial situation and their sense of self can be powerful. If things are difficult they can feel like less of a man, which can affect a man's libido and his sense of self sexually. This can lead to him withdrawing from his partner due to feeling insecure."

Not exactly dinner conversation you want to bring up with the hubby--or maybe you do? Dr. Dammann also believes that talking about money is often harder than talking about sex but once money is demystified, a much needed openness in a relationship is created.

For the fifty percent who are turning it on while the times are tough, we say "kudos for kinky!" and the psychologist agrees, saying, "These couples have learned not to turn on or blame each other for their current financial difficulties, and they remain a 'team,' working together to budget or come up with other ways to close the financial gap."

What can we do to get our heads back in the bed whether the DOW is up or down?

1. Look at what you're spending on.

Separate what you want and what you need in your purchasing and work on the relationship you have with money. In this relationship with cash, are you emotionally attached? This often happens during our childhood and without knowing it can, by extension, affect the relationship with our partner.

2. Take this opportunity to rediscover each other.

In these slower economic times, we can slow down a bit and make more time for our relationships. Happiness should not be dependent on spending money. "Enjoy spending time together, even if it means a picnic in the park rather than dinner at a pricey restaurant," says Dr. Dammann.

3.Open up the cash convo.

Stop letting unsaid feelings on both your parts get in the way of intimacy.

This all being said, first and foremost in our family lives is survival and no technique we give may be able to help if basics such putting food on the table are in jeopardy. These tips can only help alleviate stress and thus change your mood to get you back in the mood.