05/31/2013 02:52 pm ET Updated Jul 31, 2013

Castor Bean Control

Let's assume for a moment that the old school letter writer who kindly committed his thoughts to paper for the benefit of Mayor Bloomberg, the president, and some other guy does, in fact, have both a God-given and Constitutional right to own guns. I realize that to do that, we must also assume God, but bear with me, this is an exercise and I know you have the God-given and constitutional (small c) strength to handle it.

Our best media analysts have determined that the perpetrator is crazy and while this might be so, I think it is wise for us to focus more on his or her (and be honest, it's probably his) stupidity. For we (and there will be no argument from either side of the aisle here) do not have either a Constitutional or God-given right to own or use ricin. Therefore, whoever did this can have no objection when jack booted storm troopers burst into his domicile and arrest him, seizing and taking away his poison. There will be no National Ricin Association to step up and defend him. No monies from Big Ricin to pervert the judicial and political on his behalf.

The fool has signed his own warrant. Even he knows that of all the fundamentally lethal implements, only guns have a special dispensation from God and Jefferson. No one ever said that the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the agonized writhing of poisoned reformers.

I feel for this putz. If he had used his guns, he would be safe from consequence. But the cost of postage for mailing firearms is steep and there's no guarantee recipients will use them to shoot themselves. I guess he simply had to take a chance.

When the man is found and tried, I hope the judge will take into consideration, when sentencing, the individual's true contribution to our great nation -- his support of the beleaguered US Postal Service.

I mean, thank God somebody is using the mail.