01/06/2010 09:11 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Bin Laden Faxes Connect-the-Dots Picture Directly to Dept. of Homeland Security

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - Officials at the Department of Homeland Security confirmed today that al-Qaeda mastermind Osama bin Laden has faxed what appears to be a connect-the-dots picture directly to department headquarters.

High-ranking members of the department, including Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano, immediately held emergency meetings to plan a course of action to deal with the mysterious connect-the-dots picture in their possession.

"One option, just thinking out loud here, would be to connect the dots," said Ms. Napolitano. "But first we want to look at all courses of action available to us."

Ms. Napolitano said that prior to receiving the connect-the-dots picture, she received a personal wake-up call at her home from Mr. bin Laden himself.

"A wake-up call and a connect-the-dots picture in the same day almost make you think he's trying to tell us something," said Ms. Napolitano. "Add that to the smoking gun he just FedExed, and it starts to form a pattern." More here.