03/05/2010 02:01 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Chapter One of Palin's Book on American Values: Quitting

The Borowitz Report has obtained the manuscript of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's forthcoming book on American values. The following is Chapter One: Quitting.

As far as American values are going, there is nothing more American in terms of values than quitting.

After all, quitting is what made America be America in the first place. If we hadn't decided to quit being a part of Britain, where would we be now? Not in America, that's for darn sure.

In America, we can quit any darn thing, any darn time, without any darn warning. If we want to quit writing a book, we can quit right in the middle of a