12/23/2008 10:35 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Markets Crash on Pictures of Obama Losing Shirt

Global markets swooned today in reaction to photos showing that President-elect Barack Obama had lost his shirt.

The pictures depicting a shirtless Mr. Obama wandering about on a deserted stretch of beach stoked fears that the U.S.'s financial woes were deeper than previously reported.

"We have had a steady drumbeat of bad news about the U.S. economy for weeks now," said Tracy Klugian, global asset analyst for HSBC. "Learning that the President-elect no longer has a shirt to his name was the last thing these markets needed."

In an attempt to calm investors. Obama press secretary Robert Gibbs said that the President-elect still owned a shirt and denied rumors that Mr. Obama had invested funds with Bernie Madoff.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site,