WASILLA (The Borowitz Report): One day before Thanksgiving, Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin today issued the following "thankfulnesses list":
This being my list of the thankfulnesses I'm tapping into this year...
I have thankfulness that we have a President who is learning to celebrate our American holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas also, even though he didn't have either of those days when he was growing up in Kenya.
I have thankfulness that we live in a country where we have the freedom to speak, even though Todd has never done so actually.
I have thankfulness that little Falcon was found safe and sound in that box, being that I was worried sick about him flying around in that balloon.
I have thankfulness for all of those Jewish settlements on the West Bank, seeing that Jewish people will be flocking to the Holy Land to celebrate Thanksgiving.
I have thankfulness also for the new drapes I installed in my house to keep the Russians from peeping in.
I have thankfulness that Levi posed in Playgirl, and I'm sure all the gay men who read Playgirl have thankfulness for that also.
I have thankfulness also that Levi's mom has been put in prison so I don't have to worry about her selling drugs to Willow or Piper.
And finally, I have thankfulness for all of the good people who read my book, and for the person who wrote it also. More here.